Ted Dempsey: Part 1 - Letter From the Bank

Ted Dempsey was a fidgety and feckless grimace of a man, bristles of white hair popping out of his ears and nasal passage like buried toothbrushes. He was 65 years old, lived alone - and had done so since he first left his family home at age 15 to work “on the ships.” A bald patch, haloed by a tattered mop of white hair, revealed a queer birthmark (in the shape of a keyhole) on his scalp, drawing a strange vertical symmetry with his nose. He stood sullenly in his kitchen, toeing some loose floorboards as he stared at the remnants of the breakfast-pan: sausages, egg and bread fried in a now-congealing block of butter.

His ear bristles caught a sudden papery sound from his hallway. He moved like a cartoon character, feet spinning agitatedly without actively propelling his body forward. He quickly located the sound source: some envelopes that had just floated through his letterbox. He scrabbled at them like a mouse with some gourmet blue:

LOYAL IRISH BANK Invites You to Our New Saver Reward Scheme

Ted Dempsey muttered a few undistuingishables, but read on, reflexively pushing his spectacles back another inch or two into his hollow black shark eyes. Ted hadn’t much money left to save. He had the remnants of some currency he had put away to make his old age a little bit more bearable - the bulk of which was spent on smoking Camel Cigarettes, something he acquired as a hobby to alleviate the boredom of retirement. He eyeballed the letter with a vague sense of curiosity.

    Dear Mr Dempsey,

    As a loyal lifetime customer of Loyal Irish Bank, we would like to present to you a chance to engage in a very special savings arrangement with us. We are deliberately selecting our most valued customers to pioneer a new scheme to encourage financial responsibility and clever saving practice with our customers.

    With the Saver Reward Scheme, Loyal Irish Bank will assist you in placing money in your Reward Account, and offer you very special and prestigious gifts as you reach your “Money Milestones”.

    We are pleased to inform you that your next Money Milestone is: €100
 
    We have automatically opened your Personal Reward Account so you can start saving right away. If you do not wish to avail of this incredible offer, please contact your local branch of Loyal Irish Bank.

    More information can be found in the accompanying brochure.
 
    Sincerely,
    Jad Harris.
    Overseer of Schemes at L.I.B.

Ted Dempsey coughed, peppering the letter with soggy crumbs and pork stains from his egg and sausage sandwich fifteen minutes previous, then dropped the letter on the hallway floor. He could get it later if his curiosity was re-piqued. But they could piss off if they think he’d read that fucking brochure too. 

That evening, Ted sat in his darkened living room on a green leather armchair, with a single lamp buzzing and flickering above his right shoulder. A Camel Cigarette dangled from his lips, ash crumbling onto his lap. To any external passersby, he cut a terrifying figure, with his intense gaze through the window to the street outside, and one hand gripping a glass of cheap whiskey as if he expected to be suddenly and forcibly imparted from it. 

The door to the hall shuffled open in the draft, and his eye caught that blasted letter from the bank earlier. He swore at it, the emblem of the Fat Banks, money stuffed down their trousers to exaggerate their manhood, banknotes cushioning their testicles. Fuck off you boloxes, shouted Ted Dempsey. Outside, a frightened passerby overheard and quickened their pace, unsure of whether they spied a human or a spectre in that overgrown house.