Why Sitting IS Killing You

Skype & Easybit Push The Need For An Online Rapekit

EasyBits has joined with Skype to offer online gaming for the last five years, but the behaviour of its software uncannily resembles the stealth tactics of adware hawkers and other distributors of potentially harmful programs. This combined with a forever sweaty spokesman has many users in a state of fear//limbo.

Since this incident Skype has ejaculated an apology at its users, that seems more like a discardable pacification than any kind of formal apology (extract below).

The software is provided by our partner EasyBits, and is part of the Skype Extras Manager. The Extras Manager has been included in Windows releases of our software since 2006. This latest update from EasyBits included elements of their desktop games organizer in error, but it neither installs nor un-installs correctly. This update has been disabled while we work with them to correct the problems and user experience.Skype works closely with its partners to ensure that our users receive the best possible Skype experience and is working with EasyBits to ensure this issue does not happen again.

EasyBits sweaty spokesman has since been pointing his soggy digits at its update installer for what it described as "unintentional installations". It published an uninstallation utility that removes the app from users' PCs out of courtesy for sodomised users.

EasyBits GO is NOT a malware, it is a legitimate application distributed by EasyBits Media as part of our scheduled update. Unfortunately the user interface in the update installer has defects causing confusing user experience that leads to unintentional installations. EasyBits Media has confirmed this problem and currently has stopped the update process and implementing a fix. We are sorry for any inconvenience this has caused to Skype users.

EasyBits' statement rather ambiguously claims that users happily accepted their unsolicited software "gift". "Since the update, game sessions have spiked from 850,000 to 7+ million game sessions globally yesterday," it gregariously exclaimed.

Separate problems last week meant that Skype's software put the phone down on users last week. Skype produced a workaround followed by an automatic update to its software that allowed users to log in to the VoIP service. The Skype Extras Manager update that foisted the EasyBits games utility on users, whether they asked for it or not, was separate to this core functionality update.

Even so, the whole incident suggests both that Skype's pre-release testing process is not as rigorous as it ought to be and that EasyBits seems to think users might rather like software forced down their throat.

It seems like this is the way the internet might be going, so you might want to start considering having a rapekit on hand at all times, before Easybits' marvelous wizard gets his magic hands all over you. 

Jedward: Muppets or not?

Personally, MRHP cannot stand Jedward, it's nothing to do with their image it's nothing to do with the fact that most Irish people are innate begrudgers and cynics and we are falling prey to this age old vice. The reason is plain and simple, they are embarrassing and they are really, really irritating. The are like a a squeaky mouse shooting up and and down a high-pitched sine wave on ecstasy. Look at the following video just to see how annoying they can be.

I pray that Jed-mania or Jed-madness, whatever it is called get's old soon, and maybe they will revamp their image and attain success through some other facet of celebrity but their current personae just really irks me. Take a look at this next video, poor old Vincent Browne doesn't know how to deal with them.

Vincent Browne looks like he has spent the last 24 hours with 20 children with ADHD. For MRHP it's a no-brainer, pun most definitely intended that Jedward are a bunch of muppets. Throw them onto a TV show for kids, perfect but please please for the integrity of what it means to be Irish keep them away from real people.

Owl out.

Brazilian Boy Shot Five Times By The Police

The footage you are about to watch is real footage of a Brazilian boy who is shot at repeatedly by a police office, you can clearly see one of the bullets impacting his chest. Whether or not the extent of the damage was enough to seriously wound the child this kind of police brutality is totally unacceptable. 

What if Jesus Came Back ?

Ash Wednesday marks the start of a 40-day period which is an allusion to Jesus' wander in the desert, where he fasted and prayed for this length of time. During this visit he managed to "take care of business" and thus we have the sacramental placing of ashes on foreheads that acts as a sign of mourning and repentance to god. Throughout the day I spotted "faithfuls" as their ash marks branded them like cattle. I managed to remain detached from this ritual almost the entire day. This ended with a visit to my granny which resulted in her lunging from her stool across the kitchen table and forcefully attacking my forehead with a digit coated in dirty ash. Disgust ensued as she realised that me blessing myself was not going to happen. Instead I just sat there and began thinking about what the J-Man would make of this if he existed and was living in contemporary society. The first image that sprang to mind was off Jesus hacking up some meat on ash Wednesday. 

This quickly dissipated as I realised that if Jesus was to return now he would most definitely be homeless. I thought about this for a while and an image of him propped against a wall with an artificial limb as a companion sprang to mind. On the poster behind him was a poster promoting something that he would never be able to achieve. With what little life he had left he appeared to be pondering over the futility of his existence. 'God bless capitalism' says a cynic with a mouthful of meat.

There is the possibility that this Jesus quickly adapts to capitalist society and manages to succeed in moving from rags to riches. The issue with this is that in the process of this transformation he would most likely lose his faith. If not he would probably be too obese to speak the word of god. On the plus side, a crucifix would not be able to hold him this time around. 

So what do you think would become of the J-Man if he was to surface tomorrow? Would he be destined to become a crazed street rat that is treated with about as much respect as a bloody tampon or would he realise that contemporary society does not really have a place for him anymore and conceed to meet craft/becoming part of the fat of the land? Either way I can tell you that if the 80-year-old women who jumped a table to get ashes on my forehead was confronted by a bearded man claiming to be Jesus she would not be long about pulling out a switch blade and stabbing him in the neck. From all of us here at MRHP enjoy the next 40 days and try and crush as much excess into them as possible.

Love from the Owl and the gang. XXX

Fun Places to Work

Let's face it, it's about time people started to realise that the monotone, monochrome and mundane cubicles and offices that most people are forced to work in are far from ideal. They crush creativity, dilute inspiration and dampen stimulation. So I bring to some of the coolest places in the world to work in. Now they are not the coolest jobs, moreover they are the coolest office spaces that you could work in. Psychologists have already shown that in environments that are colourful, vibrant, relaxing, playful and interactive, that employees are far more innovative, creative and productive. Let's start with one of the biggest and baddest examples. The Googleplex.

There is an overall sort of green, eco-friendly vibe too the office, but considered the most entertaining things in most offices, is the water cooler, you have got to admit that it looks like a lot of fun. When Ideo a design and innovation consultancy firm was founded, the companies general manager, Tom Kelley said how he wanted every employee to be his best friend and that would be the basis of the company, sounds like a great idea to me. In Ideo they embrace the idea of play and how play facilitates creativity and thinking outside the box, all around the office you will find, paint, play-do, plasticine, modelling clay, along with many other craft supplies, the idea being that if you have an idea and you want to show, a visual presentation will be much more successful. They also have this really cool VW conference van. 

The offices for Disney Pixar's studios are also a cut above the rest, little huts, fairy houses and sheds. Slides are another big one and the red-bull HQ in London and the Google Zurich, have both added in slides for good measure to help get there employees from one floor to the next. 

And skeptics can say whatever they like but Google, Ideo, Red-Bull and many of the others who have adopted these relaxed, fun and playful working model are reaping the rewards for it financially. We all know how important it is to be happy in your job, stimulating and engaging environments like the above breed happy workers. People who work for the company and not for themselves. What I would really love is to see this model being transferred to all offices and then making it's way from there into colleges (which has begun) but then most importantly back into secondary and primary education, where it is needed the most. Instead of boring and 'blanding' the minds of the next generation we should be stimulating them and encouraging them to be playful, resourceful and innovative. So many societies take themselves so seriously, adhering to meaningless conventions, stereotypes and social norms. If we can work productively and innovatively by throwing in a little play and a little fun well then I say go for it. If it feels good do it. 

How You Will Probably Die If You Don't Cop On

Most of us will spend a great deal of our lives imagining how we will die, contemplating different scenarios, different diseases and conditions. Most of these imagined scenarios will however be typically more exotic than the predictable fates that awaits us. The WHO lists ten of the worlds biggest killers as ischaemic heart disease, cerebrovascular disease, lower respiratory disease, HIV/AIDS, chronic obstructive pulmonary disease, diarrhoeal diseases, tuberculosis trachea/bronchus/lung cancers, malaria and road traffic accidents. 51.2 % of all the deaths worldwide can be attributed to one of these conditions. However, when you think about it, those of us who live in developed economies are unlikely to die from malaria, TB or diarrhea, so as the incidences of the other conditions rise what kind of picture are we left with. 

Grimly enough the image above isn't far from the truth. In the EU two thirds of deaths are caused by circulatory diseases and cancer, much of these deaths are attributable to dietary factors like fat intake (specifically low-density lipoproteins), salt intake and alcohol consumption. When we break down the statistics a little more we see that 41% of these deaths are caused by heart attacks, strokes and other circulatory diseases, whilst the other portion of deaths cancer is responsible for the fate of 25% of us. I have used the word fate ironically so far, in that many of the bad choices people make, be it dietary, lack of exercise  or use of recreational toxins, they have determined their fate in the greater majority of circumstances. We are all consciously writing our fate everyday. If we examine a smaller subsection of the population, what should be the healthy cohort, we still find high levels of unavoidable deaths. Suicide and traffic accidents are responsible for killing the majority of 20-40 year olds who die young, with a greater percentage of males dying from suicide. My issue here is that once again people are dying needlessly, if people suffering from mental illnesses were given the right kind of support, they wouldn't have to resort to such drastic measures. I don't even want to attempt to assess the situation in the developing world because the situation there is just incomprehensible, no food = no life, that's simple enough but the socio-economic-political situation is horrifically (although needlessly) complex. I digress. My biggest issue with many of these deaths come about through poor education, ignorance (stubborn and empirical), selfishness and neglect, people live there lives by bad decisions. So many health systems in the developed world are literally clogged by the arteries of people who didn't look after themselves and now they want someone else to fix their mess, meanwhile people who are genuinely ill through no fault of their own are often dropped down the waiting list for burger-hearts and whiskey-livers. In addition to this so much money is spent on operating on these people, rehabilitation and drug treatments, money that could be invested into education or something more worthwhile.

I know this article reads like a rant but it's the only way I could write it (rage consumed me throughout the process). If I can leave you with one thing, you are probably going to die from a heart attack, a stroke or cancer, these are the statistical favourites. Why not do something about that now eat healthy, live healthy and don't become another statistic. Wouldn't it be great if we could turn around and say in 2050, that 50% or 75% of people just die from old age without having become an expensive and draining burden on society because they adopted a gluttonous and reckless life.  

Live long and prosper

MRHP's  Doctor Owl McCop Thefuckon