Plan B-Ted Talk

Paddy's Day Special: How To Drink Alcohol in Public Without Getting Caught

1) You know those non-alcoholic beers, lame I know, and you thought why would anyone buy that? Well you will be buying it as a decoy-it will camouflage your lovely alcohol-full beer!  If you are a kleptomaniac you could nab the label and not the whole beer because all you need is the label. Make sure you bring some kind of adhesive with you too, to make it stick to your real alcoholic drink bottle! If any figure of authority stops you, all you have to do is point to the label and say "Yup dog its non-alcoholic now bother someone else."

2) Who thought a sitcom could be useful for real life stuff? Well Its Always Sunny in Philadelphia have offered millions the chance to enjoy wine with all the grace of drinking a can of coke. Don't stop there, you can put  in vodka, home-made gin, whatever tickles your fancy and no one will be the wiser. All you need is an empty can of coke and then you pour your wine into it. WINE IN A CAN BITCHES!

3) Hip-Flask! The name of this game is stealth which gets increasingly more difficult as you get drunker, but sure if you get caught who cares, you've reached your aim of getting fucking locked! Fuck yeah kiss my shiny hip-flask pigs!

4) This is one for those that like a risk and are not afraid of ridicule. My friend did this at Electronic Picnic to smuggle his cheap Tesco wine in a carton passed the bouncers. He disrobed the carton until it was reduced to a silver bag of wine, the silver bag is the linen in the carton, when you pull it out of the carton the wine is preserved in a silver bag. He stuffed the bag of wine into his crotch and just walked right on in. And it worked although it looked like his balls had some sort of growth disorder.

5) Final tip, if you are desperate and fancy yourself as a bit of a thespian give this a shot. When an officer of the law confronts you about your blatantly drinking alcohol in public, feign that you are handicapped and they will feel embarrassed and leave you alone. Larry David has successful used this technique as we see in the video above.

As Tony Charleston would say "Get Fucking Locked Man It's Fucking Class". Happy Planning for Paddy's Day from everyone at MRHP!

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