The MRHP Xmas party is tonight and I am pumped, so excited! Apparently the theme is Elves and Chinese food, and our owl (MRHP editor) got us Bridget the Midget with four of her Elf Strippers for it with one sexy Santa to have a fivesome with the little buggars for our pleasure. I didn’t want to miss that! As a gift from the owl for all the humiliation I have had to endure since working for him, he promised a sexy date. My wife was away at volley ball practice. I had on my best clothes to make an impression. So I put on my Khaki shorts and red Marks and Spencer’s top, making sure the label was sticking out just so she knew it wasn't from Pennies. It was going to be my night for once, no observing the sexual appetites of Simian masses. All me me me me me me!
When I took out the directions to the venue that the owl had scribbled on a piece of paper for me, I noticed that it was unreadable.
It was in Chinese or something ‘fucking great I thought, more humiliation, perhaps my date who was picking me up would know?’ But once she turned up she didn't even know my name and spoke little English but at least she was hot. I was tempted to ask her up to the bedroom but it was a date and I didn’t want to seem like a sleaze ball, besides she might freak out seeing all the children’s toys everywhere and my wives dirty knickers and bra still on the bed.
Why do all Asian women look like they are 12 years old! She happily swung on my elbow and we made off like a happy date. I didn’t know where we were going but if we went to the MRHP office maybe we'd get a clue there. I was pulled over after around ten minutes of driving, the policeman grabbed me not tenderly but like totally brutally yeah. He then told me I was under arrest for sexually soliciting a fourteen year old South Korean girl. I was shocked I didn’t even think to be nervous on hearing the charges against me; the shock was so much voltage on its own. Then I realised that bastard set me up, that owl prick! The police man did a search and found the note on me, he told me that a man informed him that I would be carrying this, and that it was enough evidence to bypass courts and let me rot in a cell for years. After nearly shitting my pants, I heard him laughing and the girl too. I had been had! He let out more laughter like garlic farts in my face. When I looked back at the car she was gone she had vanished into the actor's car. This was the shittest night in a long time, I felt so shit that I hooked up with an uber fat hooker whom barely squeezed into my car. She told me a man dressed as an owl paid her to look after me for the night, 'No he doesn't' I said and tried to oust her from the car but she was too strong. I cried during sex or more like my dick rubbing around her whale vagina trying to find a way to end my misery yet I couldn't stop, we did it five times that night, the tears got more violent each time it was like a form of physical therapy . There you have it owl! You have it, your sadistic column of emasculation, fuck you a thousand times over! I hope your party sucks!
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