What if Jesus Came Back ?

Ash Wednesday marks the start of a 40-day period which is an allusion to Jesus' wander in the desert, where he fasted and prayed for this length of time. During this visit he managed to "take care of business" and thus we have the sacramental placing of ashes on foreheads that acts as a sign of mourning and repentance to god. Throughout the day I spotted "faithfuls" as their ash marks branded them like cattle. I managed to remain detached from this ritual almost the entire day. This ended with a visit to my granny which resulted in her lunging from her stool across the kitchen table and forcefully attacking my forehead with a digit coated in dirty ash. Disgust ensued as she realised that me blessing myself was not going to happen. Instead I just sat there and began thinking about what the J-Man would make of this if he existed and was living in contemporary society. The first image that sprang to mind was off Jesus hacking up some meat on ash Wednesday. 

This quickly dissipated as I realised that if Jesus was to return now he would most definitely be homeless. I thought about this for a while and an image of him propped against a wall with an artificial limb as a companion sprang to mind. On the poster behind him was a poster promoting something that he would never be able to achieve. With what little life he had left he appeared to be pondering over the futility of his existence. 'God bless capitalism' says a cynic with a mouthful of meat.

There is the possibility that this Jesus quickly adapts to capitalist society and manages to succeed in moving from rags to riches. The issue with this is that in the process of this transformation he would most likely lose his faith. If not he would probably be too obese to speak the word of god. On the plus side, a crucifix would not be able to hold him this time around. 

So what do you think would become of the J-Man if he was to surface tomorrow? Would he be destined to become a crazed street rat that is treated with about as much respect as a bloody tampon or would he realise that contemporary society does not really have a place for him anymore and conceed to meet craft/becoming part of the fat of the land? Either way I can tell you that if the 80-year-old women who jumped a table to get ashes on my forehead was confronted by a bearded man claiming to be Jesus she would not be long about pulling out a switch blade and stabbing him in the neck. From all of us here at MRHP enjoy the next 40 days and try and crush as much excess into them as possible.

Love from the Owl and the gang. XXX