'Towering over, my belly trembling in anticipation, how long before women realise what men really want, a good swim in a lake. A blue lake with cordoned off streamers, a sand to dig a good old cold whiskey into. Matching bading suits for buddies with dicks not vaginas.' Jesus Christ I said original not homoerotic! The editor typed out some opening for me to begin my column to give me some inspiration but seriously how many pencils were snapped in their mouths trying to think of an angle for me?
I wasn't having much sex, no no, so lets cut the bull, this week isn't about sex, I'm all about finding love and well if sex comes into the equation then let it be, no biggie, lets not kid ourselves we are not saving the world everytime we have sex no matter what John Lennon says.
Poking about the icy cold pool, feet seeping of blue pool puss, trousers wrangled on sun tan bed, all ready for my hip entrance to the capital of bears and trannies, Yes Berlin 'take me in your arms and take me home...'
My bod is mayhem, it is two parts horny dread and one part romantic optimist, it is in a cold sweat of anticipation with red spots of 'me horny horny babe'. 'It is my body' I tell myself while stuffing two jars of pickles and one pack of condoms into my back pocket,then I conclude with wise self referentiality 'the whitest skin on tanned jeans'.Undoubtedly sexy, the capital is draped in all sorts; sex shops, cheap hostels, supermarkets with aisle upon aisle of alcohol that reaches for the intoxicated stars. You can have sexy sex, sore sex or just plain old sex! I take a hit and I run for the hills. I want to kill mutterfuckers on the moon, I don't know why, I don't have to tell you why, who are you to ask me anything at all, to even speak to me...you want me to get all drangon on your ass, yeah?
Turns out the dragon had nothing to do with dragons and was a prettily placed gay nightclub where I spent approx. four to five hours hitting on lesbians and matrons wrecking my self esteem,one of them nearly kicked me in the balls. There was a haze then there was many French toasts, ambulance drives, people talking then the night vanished from my sights.
A New Day: My Awakening:
'Meet the girl of your dreams' said the billboard, 'okay where?' I retorted, a few frenzied crossroads and hot dog stops later and I indeed did find the girl of my dreams on a billbaord just above a sweaty, potbelly hot dog vendor man. Who was she? how could I find her, would she love me as much I love her... after many hours of research I found her, her name was Nora Arnezeder! She was an Austrian actress...
To be continued next week...
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