Breaking News: Enda Kenny Takes Break From Coalition Talks to Party With Sheen

As the rest of the his party along with the Labour party attempted to hammer out a coalition, following Fine Gael's plurality win in the general election, Enda Kenny was seemingly still celebrating his victory. Enda Kenny told Joan "the Moan" Burton that he had an important diplomatic engagement that he would have to attend and was chauffeured rather hurriedly from the coalition talks. It transpired that he was in fact meeting with actor Charlie Sheen to seek political advise and to quote "have a good time". Kenny claims that he hired Sheen as a consultant in the build up to the election because Sheen is a self-proclaimed winning addict. Kenny apparently wanted to harness some of these powers and inject them into Fine Gaels campaign. It later emerged that after an alcohol and drug fueled night Sheen had locked Kenny into a wardrobe while he trashed the hotel room that they had rented, which Kenny had put down as expenses.   

Enda Kenny Attacked by a Baby Cat while Casting his Vote

Whilst casting his vote this morning Enda Kenny was attacked by some sort of baby cat hybrid. From the image you can clearly see that Mr. Kenny was fairly shaken up after the incident and was reduced to tears. It emerged that Kenny was looking to pick up what seemed to be a baby in a buggy when it transpired it was in fact a baby cat. Baby cats and spider babies are rare but they seem to have found a niche in the west of Ireland. Enda Kenny is said to be recovering from the traumatic ordeal in his home in Castlebar. 

Political Horrors

With the general election to be held tomorrow much of the country is bracing itself, preparing for the next set of political monstrosities to be voted in. A couple of days ago our handsome young reporter Frank Stein took a stroll around Bray (Co. Wicklow, Ireland, for the reader afar) and posed with many of the hopeful candidates from this tumultuous constituency. Be afraid, be very afraid as many of these ghouls, gremlins, witches and demons may well be running the country in less than a month. 

Simon 'The Giant' Harris (Photo to scale)

I'm very afraidy of  John Brady

Everything got a little darker and bleaker around Dick < Roche (Little joke for the astute mathematician)

Things then brightened up for Frank as he became a little too enamored with Eugene 'Hurrah for the Nightlink' Finnegan

High up the pole was Donal 'the lamp' Kiernan

Close to his heart, Micheal Martin the leader of the party that has turned many peoples' lives into nightmares

Anne 'Liz McManus' Ferris

'Oh no the humanity. What is he doing here?'

'Go on please shake my hand. Your so stubborn Stephen.'

One ticket to anywhere but here please!

So the question remains which one of these monsters will you vote for and if you do vote them in will they just perpetuate the nightmare or will by some miracle some of these creatures emerge from their cocoons and will we get ourselves some political leaders. Will we loose the cronyism, the empty political rhetoric, will we have real change and real action, planning, foresight, expertise and above all honesty and integrity. Many of the monsters will throw these words around but do any of them know what they mean? MRHP proposes that all politicians be fitted with lie detectors for the next 10 years, one lie and your out, that should breed a new generation of open, honest and above all constructive politics. Enjoy the voting and just a final note make sure all you young readers get out and vote, MRHP has nothing against senior citizens but they will all go out and vote, their vote will not necessarily reflect the countries younger generations so get out and have your say so we can bring this country forward.