Saturday, October 22, 2011

Timeline for Muammar Gaddafi: What Really Happened.


Feb. 15/16, 2011 - The arrest of human rights activist Fethi Tarbel starts a riot in Benghazi. Fethi confesses he also like animals as well humans, especially chinchillas, 'there just so cute' he says.

Feb. 24 - Anti-government militias take control of central coastal city of Misrata after evicting forces loyal to Gaddafi. Gaddalfi caught sucking a young boy's cock behind an old barracks.

Feb. 26 - The UN Security Council imposes sanctions on Gaddafi and his family, and refers the crackdown on rebels to the International Criminal Court. Gaddafi responds by imposing sanctions on the UN Security Council, who will not be able to text, facebook or even just chill with him on gmail.


Feb. 28 - EU governments approve sanctions against Gaddafi and his closest advisers. EU governments have a party with a official Batman cake.

March 5 - The rebel National Transitional Council (NTC) in Benghazi declares itself Libya's sole representative.They then go on to declare that there are free copies of CHE part one and two starring Bencio Del Toro for everyone.

March 17 - The UN Security Council votes to authorise a no-fly zone over Libya and military action, to protect civilians against Gaddafi's army. Gaddafi's army devise a plan to manufacture a billion paper airplanes to bypass the UN's rules.

March 19 - The first air strikes halt the advance of Gaddafi's forces on Benghazi and target Libya's air defences. Half a billion of paper airplanes are drenched by water hoses.

April 30 - A NATO missile attack on a house in Tripoli kills Gaddafi's youngest son and three grandchildren, his government says. "Boo Hoo Who cares" said the rest of the world.

June 27 - The ICC issues arrest warrants for Gaddafi, his son Saif al-Islam and intelligence chief Abdullah al-Senussi on charges of crimes against humanity. Gaddafi responds by stating that he has no humanity, therefore how can he be trialed for something he never had in the first place? It all very kafkaesque.

Aug. 21 - Rebels enter Tripoli with little resistance. Gaddafi makes audio addresses over state television calling on Libyans to fight off the rebel "rats". He also shows off his new tattoo, printed on his butt, the tattoo consists of little boys being sucked off.

Aug. 23 - The rebels overrun Gaddafi's fortified Bab al-Aziziya compound in Tripoli, trashing the symbols of his rule. They also confiscate a few copies of Beano and Dennis the Menace for the train ride home.

Aug. 29 - Gaddafi's wife, his daughter Aisha and two of his sons enter Algeria. Aisha Gaddafi gives birth in a clinic in a border town hours after crossing the frontier. They baby has two red horns on its head and a forked tail.


Sept. 1 - Libya's interim rulers meet world leaders at a conference in Paris to discuss reshaping Libya. Gaddafi, on the 42nd anniversary of his coming to power, urges his supporters to fight on. Woody Allen drops in with Owen Wilson to discuss an adaptation for the Libyan film industry for his latest film 'Midnight in Paris'.

Sept. 8 - Interim prime minister Mahmoud Jibril arrives in Tripoli on his first visit since it was taken by his forces. He has angry that someone had stolen his copy of Beano before he could finish it.

Sept. 11 - Libya starts producing oil again. Niger says Gaddafi's son Saadi has arrived there. Saddi drinks oil, mistaking it for Cola. Everyone has a good laugh about it.

Sept. 13 - Interim government chief Mustafa Abdel Jalil makes his first speech in Tripoli to a crowd of about 3 people. One of them was wearing quite a fetching bathroom hat, it has to be seen to be believed so here it is:



Sept. 15 - France's Nicolas Sarkozy and Britain's David Cameron land in Libya to a heroes' welcome by the members of a mental institute and the association of the mentally disabled,

Sept. 20 - US President Barack Obama calls for the last of Gaddafi's loyalist forces to surrender as he announces the return of the US ambassador to Tripoli. Gaddafi taunts NATO in a speech broadcast by Syrian-based Arrai television station. Gaddafi gives a politically strip tease, but this is not shown on television although the radio showed it.

Sept. 25 - The first Libyan crude oil to be shipped in months sails from the eastern port of Marsa el Hariga for Italy.The oils turns out to be Coke Cola, angry Italians throw pizzas at Libyan paper airplanes. one of the final bastions of Gaddafi loyalistsSept. 27 - NATO says Libya's interim rulers have taken full control of the country's stockpile of chemical weapons and nuclear material. They are shocked to find it is just cardboard cut outs of weapons and materials.

Oct. 12 - Government fighters capture Gaddafi's son Mo'tassim after he tried to escape Sirte. Mo'tassim appears on MTV to pimp his collection of chemical weapons.

Oct. 13 - NTC forces say they have control of the whole of Sirte except neighbourhood 'Number Two' where Gaddafi forces are surrounded. Gaddafi now cycles rather than fly in his private jet. 'Bikes are Good' he declares to a boy he is sucking off

Oct. 14 - Gunfights break out in Tripoli between Gaddafi supporters and NTC forces, the first sign of armed resistance to the new government. Then legged and headed resistance is followed by a lock-up of all limbs to prevent further conflict. They place all the limbs into a giant locker, and call it the Limb Locker

Oct. 17 - NTC forces celebrate the capture of Bani Walid by getting Chinese Take Away. A Syrian television station confirms Gaddafi's son Khamis was watching Die Hard when they killed him, the irony is killing me.



Oct. 18 - US Secretary of State Hilary Clinton arrives in Libya on an unannounced sexy visit, urges militias to unite and climb into her vagina. America rejoices.

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