Pottermore - Bit Of An Anti-Climax

Well after the owls started appearing and the countdown clocks started, fans all over the world rejoiced in the possibility of another Harry Potter novel. Instead they were met with some kind of interactive online reading site (coming this October). The following clip is of JK Rowling's announcement of the Pottermore site. All of us here at MRHP try our best to enjoy each and every anti-climax that life offers us. So why not watch the announcement and if you care about the series at all, wait and enjoy the feeling of all your hopes and dreams slip away. Owl...

Pig Politicians and Lizard Leaders

Have you every wondered why many politicians and world leaders all behave in a very similar way, many of them look the same, talk the same, act the same, and even lead the same. There is however a subtle dichotomy between the world leaders in that some are more mammalian than others and the rest take on a more reptilian form. Most people are well aware of the following image, you would have probably seen it on Christmas day on Skynews when the Queen was making her annual speech or you would have seen it at later stage. Several minutes before the Queen was to deliver her speech and was in the middle of putting her make-up on, a cheeky photographer pushed the door open and took a snap. 

The image is both simultaneously grotesque and beautiful, capturing a lie and the truth, life and death whilst also highlighted the blind control many of these leaders have over society. Yesterday was the first day that the new Taoiseach Enda Kenny took office and he too was caught by an opportunistic photographic. Whilst the President Mary MacAleese  awarded him the seal of office his mask slipped momentarily and the follow image was captured. 

His true reptilian form was exposed but most people blinded by their faith in these leaders simply fobbed it off as a blotch on the camera lens, take a close look for yourself and make up your own mind. Now with Enda Kenny in power and the Queen to make a state visit to Ireland in the coming months has their been a shift of power and are the reptiles about to take full control. You will remember that I spoke of a dichotomy earlier, well the yin to the lizards yang is none other than the pig. Whilst most politicians are slimy and scaly the others are greedy and fat, bloated by the years of apple and corruption pie that they had gorged upon. MRHP spoke to the biggest pig of them all Brian Cowen and ask him did he believe that the reptiles would now dominant the Irish political scene for years to come.

Unfortunately, he was to busy stuffing himself and rolling around in the excess that he had bled from the Irish public for so long, so he declined the opportunity to speak. So with the reptiles taking control and the pigs on the back foot I ask you is it time for a new bread of politician and leader, MRHP believes so. We recommend that some sort of noble bird like an Owl get a chance to lead and see what good they can do. Tongues out and tails curled for now.  

Drunken Owls: The Art of Recognising a Social Problem!

As an avid Owl-Watcher I recently made a shocking discovery that I feel for the safety of fellow readers is worth sharing with the world. After suiting up to suit the emerald gleam of the forest I soon found myself lost from society. I watched animals fuck, run and chew their way through the forest always keeping both hands gripped firmly around my binoculars. After experiencing the watcher's void, the first part of a strange observation crept into focus. Through my extended eyes I could see a drunken owl insipidly staring at me from a tree in the distance. He had that look on his face that my father used to have after his T.V dinner, but before he had drank enough to paralyse his thoughts.

After being beaten by this distant glance I became aware that this hungover owl was not alone. In fact the trees around me were filled with abusive/tired/withered/grim/haggy/disheveled/slothy stares. Closer to where I was standing was the delicately seedy stare of a female. Who had enough composure to re-frame from blackening her collar, but had the indecency to tarnish your magnificent character the night previous. Likewise, she is disgusted about something I did, but amongst the lingering alcohol the pains in her cranium have stopped her from remembering whatever nonsense she was sipping that night. Silently she stares...

Camouflaged on one of the branches closest to me is a still sleeping reminder of one of those friends that drinks more and more in a desperate attempt at fitting in, but in the process becomes more and more invisible. Quite often these types of characters are mistaken for as furniture and often become utensils (piss bucket for the mildly self-conscious) before the night is down. By morning they rise from the room and drift outward in search of cyclical suffering. "I have it good", they think to themselves as they walk through the rain-soaked gutters with barely a single memory of the night before in their heads.

The owls that I have mentioned are but only a few in the millions that have invaded our forests with their own brand of fear and justice. Trust me, you will find everything I have just said quite serious and highly relevant if you ever have to witness or be on the scene of a drunken owl-raping. Quite often in their drunken hazes they are confusing gentle hill walkers and molesting every orifice until either they pass out or the victim stops responding to their malicious homegrown brand of forest justice. I'm hoping that after reading this article that you will have a higher awareness of these creatures and show no remorse to anything in a forest that is smaller than an average human. When going for a walk the best action is attack anything that shakes as quite often we are but one scenario away from a scene (DANGER)...

Please do not become contaminated by recent Owlaganda, that tries to present the Drunken-Owl as the new Lolcat. To fall into this trap would be a very foolish and most likely fatal mistake.

Until next time. Keep your Owls close, but your Drunken-Owls closer.