Reporter: How would you describe the win over Chesterfield?
Holloway: To put it in gentleman's terms if you've been out for a night and you're looking for a young lady and you pull one, some weeks they're good looking and some weeks they're not the best.
'Our performance today would have been not the best looking bird but at least we got her in the taxi. She weren't the best looking lady we ended up taking home but she was very pleasant and very nice, so thanks very much, let's have a coffee.
'I don't see the problem with footballers taking their shirts off after scoring a goal. They enjoy it and the young ladies enjoy it too. I suppose that’s one of the main reasons women come to football games, to see the young men take their shirts off. Of course they'd have to go and watch another game because my lads are as ugly as sin.'
On the rule restricting footballers from removing their shirts during a match
Reporter: How’s Aljofree’s injury?
Holloway: Hasney's bust his hooter. He can smell round corners now.
'If you're a burglar, it's no good poncing about outside somebody's house, looking good with your swag bag ready. Just get in there, burgle them and come out. I don't advocate that obviously, it's just an analogy.'
Holloway's attacking strategy gets an airing.
'I have such bad luck at the moment that if I fell in a barrel of boobs I'd come out sucking my thumb.'
'We might as well go back to being cavemen, grab our girl by the hair, drag her into the cave whether she wants to come in or not because we may as well live in that age. We've come forward, haven't we?
Blackpool boss Ian Holloway makes the case for video technology.
'It was lucky that the linesman wasn't stood in front of me as I would have poked him with a stick to make sure he was awake.'
Holloway's opinion of an assistant's performance.
'I couldn't be more chuffed if I were a badger at the start of the mating season.'
Holloway after QPR beat Cardiff
Holloway on veteran striker Paul Furlong 'Paul Furlong is my vintage Rolls Royce and he cost me nothing. We polish him, look after him, and I have him fine tuned by my mechanics. We take good care of him because we have to drive him every day, not just save him for weddings.'
Holloway after Joey Barton mooned Everton fans 'It was a bit cheeky wasn’t it? But I don’t think it was that bad. It would have been worse if he’d turned round and dropped the front of his shorts instead. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with a couple of butt cheeks personally. (…) If anybody’s offended by seeing a backside, get real. Maybe they’re just jealous that he’s got a real nice tight one, with no cellulite or anything.'
Holloway talks about QPR's finances 'It’s like the film Men in Black. I walk around in a black suit, white shirt and black tie where I’ve had to flash my white light every now and again to erase some memories, but I feel we’ve got hold of the galaxy now. It’s in our hands.'
Holloway talks about Cristiano Ronaldo 'He’s six foot something, fit as a flea, good looking – he’s got to have something wrong with him. Hopefully he’s hung like a hamster – That would make us all feel better. Having said that, me missus has got a pet hamster at home, and his cock’s massive.”
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