The very first Danger Wank would have taken place with the ancient Sigiriya populous. As attested by this ancient cave painting of a women having a 'Danger Wank'. But what is a 'Danger Wank' I hear you say? And how do I do it? Well we will get to that but first the "Danger Wank" according to the official high priests of the Urban Dictionary is 'The act of extreme masturbation. You must "knock one out" whilst in close proximity to any of the following; Your mum, a nun, your boss, a member of parliament, George Michael. A person with capabilities to act upon catching you mid self-abuse obvisouly ups the ante. Ejaculation must be reached before your danger wank target comes (no pun intended) to investigate. The higher the chances of being discovered with one's pants down, pulling one's war face is obviously where the danger comes from. The more danger involved the harder (or softer) it is to complete the task in hand (snigger). The more dangerous the better. The chance of being arrested, pummeled by an angry father or having your hand severed by an arab's sabre means that you are a pro "Danger wanker."
"I was in my bedroom and i shouted downstairs, "Mum there's call the police there's a madman with a set of steak knives hacking me to pieces!" As soon as I heard her scream, I dropped my trousers and commenced the danger wank. As I heard her stomp up the stairs I knew i had to be quick so i upped the pace, i heard her stumble on the top step, which bought me some time. Unfortunately for me I timed my finish badly. As my mum barged through the door armed with a rollign pin I chugged all over her. I spent the evening in A&E with concusion. Now thats what i call extreme DW"
Here are some locations and situations to attempt a 'Danger Wank':
- Back of a van while back door is open on a motorway
- Whilst playing extreme Frisbee
- On an lift between floors
- Whilst your mum is about to put fresh laundry into your room
- Whilst your boyfriend/girlfriend is asleep beside you in bed
- On a roller-coaster
- Dangling on a rope on a cliff
- In your dad's shed when he is teaching you DIY
- Underneath a traveler or gypsy's caravan
- At a red light
- During a conference
- At cinema with your girlfriend or boyfriend
- During an exam
- While driving a car full of people
- At a wedding (especially if you are the groom, bride, priest etc.)
- At a library
- In a confession booth
- While serving someone at work
- On the corner when Omar is gunning for you
After researching a few forums, I found this account of a man whose addiction to the 'Danger Wank' is ruining his life:
by stuzel » Sun Nov 12, 2006 3:44 pm
I'm also new here but not new to sex addiction recovery. I am in recovery for 17 months from obsessive compulsive marathon masturbation, porn (BIG internet addict), affairs, escorts, exhibitionism, voyeurism, cocaine and other stimulants.
The sex addiction is the toughest...not the drugs. I've been sober from cocaine for the full 17 months but not from the sex addiction. I'm now gaining sobriety from sex addiction albeit only 74 days but for the first time I do not feel the compulsion to masturbate at all. Yeah, the thoughts come but they quickly leave and the compulsion never develops.
I have also masturbated in public including in cars, airplanes and women's rooms (I am male). Well, I got arrested in the women's room at my college albeit 28 years ago. That got me to quit the women's room thing.
What has worked for me is a combination of individual therapy, group therapy, and sexaholics anonymous meetings (12-step: www.sa.org). I've also been in inpatient and intensive outpatient programs.
On the same forum I also found this gem:
by bigdeal_1 » Mon Nov 13, 2006 7:57 am
Packersfan,
I sure hope that you seek help soon. Especially with the 'car masterbation' issue.
Please don't get this the wrong way. I am usually on these forums because I like helping people and also because I get help myself for many issues. But I have to let you know that your post was a trigger to me, because I just had a flashback of one time when I was riding in the school bus and on a redlight, I was looking out the window on the right side of the bus and I saw a man in his car very close to the bus and he was masterbating. I was only 8 years old and I had absolutely no clue what he was doing. I kept starting at him to figure out what that long, skinned-colored thing was between his legs that he was moving his hand up and down to. As I was looking at his body I decided to look at his face and there he was looking at me!! I had no idea what it was but I felt freaked out about it for a long time. When the light turned green, he took off real quick so I saw the make and model and color of his car and memorized it forever.
I blocked out the incident until many years and years later when I was an adult and something triggered the flashback. I came to terms with it eventually.
Now, this post reminded me of it again when stuzel mentioned
Note that if you are seen by a minor child (for example in the car next to you), ...........
Please don't think I am being judgemental, and good luck to you.
No comments:
Post a Comment