50 Foot Snake Found: World Record

Invisible Chemicals Are Turning Cities Into Slow Motion Chernobyls P.S. (this could save your life)

I have always suspected that living away from cities, in the sweet, soft groaning belt of nature, was the place to be, away from pollution, chemicals and the horrible infestation of social and non-sociable people that inhabit these cement tumours.

One professor Michael Depledge, who I imagine looks like the paranoid, rogue agent Jason in the Borne trilogy, but of course he doesn't, he looks more like Robert Duvall, would agree with me, he himself, lives in an idyllic, sea-side village. He believes rural life offers a prophylactic against disorders and diseases both psychological and physical.

Michael is in charge of the European Centre of the Environment and Human Health (ECEHH), his expertise helps uncover the dangers of toxins in a modern world, overwhelmed by invisible to the eye toxins, that inhabit, well everything from the plastic of laptops to the plastic of water bottles. One such naked toxin is called Bisphenol A (BPA) not something that you could use for the title of a villain, but nevertheless easily belongs there beside Gotham City's very own Penguin.

Anyways we all pretty much have this toxin in our body, and because of it, we double our likelihood of heart disease or diabetes and also defects with our livers and levels of testosterone. Studies have been undertaken which makes connections between BPA in low consumptive doses and the causes of 'neurobehavioural disorder and autism, obesity, reduced sperm count, abnormal sexual development, prostate and breast cancer'. Since these studies BPA has been prohibited in baby bottles manufacturing.

Here is a short list of some other toxic demons:

PHTHALATES: This can be found in PVC and plastics in perfumes, cosmetics and personal care products, it can be inhaled via house dust, absorption through skin, eating foods from wrappers containing phtehalates. It is labeled as 'toxic to reproduction' in the EU, if exposed to it in the mother's womb, there are risks of reduced male fertility, and premature breast development. Along with the usual horrors for all ages from endocrine disrupters...

BROMINATED FLAME-RETARDANTS (BFRs): This can be found in textiles, furniture, construction materials, electronic equipment, car interiors and carpets. They are found in almost every kind of food, once ingested they are stored in body fat and remain there for years, they are absorbed through the skin and via inhalation of house dust and eating from the contaminated food. Linked to liver, thyroid and skin problems.

SYNTHETIC MUSKS: This can found in perfumes, aftershaves, soups, air fresheners, laundry detergents etc, they are absorbed through skin and can cause cancerous tumors, birth defects, and other developmental disorders.

PERFLUORINATED CHEMICALS (PFCs): This can be found in nonstick pans, stain-and water- repellent clothing and furniture, floor waxes and coated paper, gets to our bodies via absorption or a diet that favours fish. Can cause cancerous tumors, birth defects, and damage to liver and thyroid.

ORGANOCHLORINE PESTICIDES (OCPs) AND POLYCHLORINATED BIPHENYLS (PCBs): These can be found in air, water, animal tissue and throughout the food chain, they get an invisible Luas to our bodies through airborne particles and food. They endanger important organs, the brain and the immune system.

So get all your stuff and head for the beach and stay there! The dark horses await.

Dovet Days

Today has been one of those days where the little mind mites nip, leaving your general mental state feeling like a depression-filled cheese sock. Should we blame the excess drinking and the general piss licking? Probably not, but it sure is a great catalyst for the old mind to excuse dovet wrapped days spent lying in worry. Scrape off the crud and you have yourself a wonderful tale about boys splitting their sides and canes full of laughter. Thorns, railway tracks and spent people bring our heroes to a deserted coastal wall. Here they drink, piss and talk about all things splendourful. The waves crash as the boys dance and throw boulders into the sea. The Owl fills a glove with urine and gives his fellow gents a good firm pat on the back. Whilst sucking on the yellow latex fingers, he ponders over which flavor of Hula Hoops is his favorite. Red original packets bleed onto sea-flung seaweed as the lads begin a game of piss-roulette. The glove foams after the first toss and by the second it is dribbling onto the rocks.

The Bray Head laments us into a bar propped stupor. There we take the piss and order one of their fine warm ales. In exchange for a custom we receive abuse from a haggard wife-beating fuckwad. His blood soaked cane speaks volumes for his callous demeanour. If only this cane could speak! Chances are the old cunt sliced out its tongue with a rather dandy swiss army knife and then proceeded to cut apart his darling wife's child hole. Walking away we could see his feeble eyes peering from above his copy of the first Bray People. His wife, the cane and the entire hotel had already started making their way back inside of him, waiting for the day when they could get the fuck out.

Other gents join our four fuckers and the rest of the eve becomes a cold condition of vocal exchanges and making sure the rain does not drizzle on their "skins". Gent No.1 takes a concrete block for a swim and the outcome causes great displeasure on behalf of the baby and his planned Corey Hart smokeathon. Shots and sips continue until the gents disperse.

We dilly daddle for a while in the house of grown ups and observe that same corner where some sorry sack of shit can be seen crying each weekend. The scent of cologne fused with the smell of cooking meat makes me think of our lonely coastal seats and the bobbing head of a seal, learning the ways of the gentleman.

All in all it was a rough night, but nothing a bowl of serial killers and some M.S Tablets would not cure. Rest your head on feathers and think of all the pleasures still left to come. Cherish these Dovet Days, they will be over soon.

Nicholas Cage Wants Cake

As fans the Cage Scream we thought this annoying Cage/Cake meme might tickle some of your fancies, for others you can proceed to wipe any remaining bile all over your computer monitors in the hope that this sensory onslaught will stop. Enjoy and welcome to the world of Sunday.

Prince: A Gay Icon Or Homophobe?

The question of a musician's sexuality has intrigued music fans for years, ever since the birth of the mammoth they call The Beatles accompanied by the screams of millions of school children and the enigma machine with a kernel of bullshit, protected by bubble-wrap, Bob Dylan, with the persona of pop stars and their relationship with their fans bordering on an obsessive cycle of feeding their ego and augmenting the worship of these icons which can turn into stalking, as was the unfortunate case which led to John Lennon bleeding to death. This form of worship, which can start from an innocent, 'I wonder where they are from' and get progressively more obsessive, to a 'I wonder what underwear they wear?' to a dangerous crossroads of 'I wonder what it would feel like to fuck them'.

David Bowie, an acute observer of the musical components of pop, entrapped gullible fans-to-be with his flamboyant costumes, his subterranean personality and image. The biosexual antics of David Bowie was performed as publicity grabbing stunt, transforming his image, sending mojos into ecstasy, this is enough for less talented artists to make whole careers out of.

Now in a new century, debates about sexuality are rampant between fans and journalists. Block Party's front singer Kele Okereke's homosexuality was a central point of interest for fans, his sexuality became a pink elephant in the room. The fact that he was an indie sensation and that he was gay and black, has made him the people's crush. Sexuality excites people, even the word SEX, it pops red and flashes desirable flesh pumping into your mind, crotch, g-spots. Kele revealed his disappointment of the mainstream media who focused on his sexuality and race:

I didn't talk about it when I did interviews for the last record because it wasn't an area really reflected in the music; I didn't talk about race for the same reason. Why was that still a discussion point? The only reason it was a discussion point was because of the racial prejudice that exists in the mainstream media.

In 2010, he gave an interview to gay magazine Butt, where he discussed the difficulties of coming out to Nigerian parents who are very religious and traditional. He comes across as sensible role model, rather than someone using their homosexuality and blackness, to make more money...

If I’d have had someone saying it’s okay to be you when I was a teenager, I’d probably be a very different person. That is why I’m doing this now, after years of not doing it. It’s good to show that gays come in all shapes and sizes.

Prince came up in a recent conversation as he is playing in Malahide Castle tonight. My friend was saying how he has really gotten into Prince his music and fashion. I cannot remember how exactly Prince's sexuality came up, but I remember I was surprised and said 'Prince is gay? Really, I don't know about that...', to which my friend replied; 'Well the gay community love him- he's like a gay icon...' So obviously I went off and did some research, what immediately came to my attention was a controversial article for the New Yorker, where he talks about becoming a Jehova’s Witness and his intolerance of homosexuality as it is incompatible with the bible:

When asked about his perspective on social issues-gay marriage, abortion-Prince tapped his Bible and said, “God came to Earth and saw people sticking it wherever and doing it with whatever, and he just cleared it all out. He was like, ‘Enough.’” He paused. “I just live according to this.”

[...]"

You've got the Republicans, and basically they want to live according to [the Bible]. But there's the problem of interpretation, and you've got some churches, some people, basically doing things and saying it comes from here, but it doesn't. And then on the opposite end of the spectrum you've got blue, you've got the Democrats, and they're, like, 'You can do whatever you want.' Gay marriage, whatever. But neither of them is right."

Rufus Wainwright talking about his longtime partner and his ambiguous views on gay marriage:

If we were straight, we could get married and he'd get his American passport and it would make a lot of sense. I wasn't a huge gay marriage supporter before I met Jorn because I love the whole old-school promiscuous Oscar Wilde freak show of what 'being gay' once was. But since meeting Jorn that all changed.

Rufus listed Prince and named him in his list of 10 favourite gay icons where he said:

It feels weird talking about Prince as a gay icon now but you have to applaud a black man in the American record industry who could be so playful with androgyny. Justin Timberlake wouldn't do that. He is a marine dressed as a pop star.

Should Rufus Wainright rip up his posters? Does this hostility make Prince more appealing to the gay masses in a 'you can't have him, want him even more now way'? Has Prince being misinterpreted by everyone? Prince is in-love with himself, he wants to fuck himself, so his androgynous appearance is a move toward making himself women and man and therefore having the capabilities to fuck himself...Here is he with that fat sack of shit, who just wont die Jay Leno.

Chilli Pepper Eating Contest

We visited this years world's largest Chili Eating Contest in Bangkok, where contestants from all over the world come, to get a few licks and maybe a bit of tongue closer to the world's championship title. Earle Jones from Nevada, spoke to us and explained that it takes weeks of practice before you can even consider putting your name down on the list of entries. We got one of our own staff to enter, but he baled out after a pathetic twenty two seconds, realizing his stomach was hurting a little too much and he didn't want to wind up in a Bangkok hospital, where they are notorious for borrowing your organ. The guys face at 1.02 minutes in is priceless!

Chimpanzee Feeding Baby Tiger With A Bottle

A 2 year old baby chimpanzee stunned onlookers in a zoo in Thailand as it bottle fed a number of tiger cubs. Dodo has been feeding young tiger cubs for more than a year now. Obviously the chimp was trained to do this but sometimes he forgets his duty and has a good old play with the tigers. 

Steve Coogan Rips Into Tawdry Journalist

When Steve Coogan (orgy and drug fiend who happens to be deliriously talented) is ripping into you for a lack of morals, then you know you have a problem. The former features editor of News Of The World, Paul McMullen was on the receiving end of a bollocking by Steve and Greg Dyke (BBC general director). Paul has since admitted about allegations of slipping cash to the police for stories "It was almost industry standard...A few times, I was put on stories that came from police force employees — sorry — they weren't employees — coppers we paid for good information."

This is more of an entertaining romp, than the dissection of a political and media scandal. 'This guy sat outside my house...' is one of the memorable lines Steve slips into his riposte. Oh with all this phone tapping going on, we best get back to the art of sending letters!Enjoy the wraith of Steve Coogan and a man who seems jealous by the many houses he owns.

Knackers

The last home in a horses life the yard of the knacker, from there they will be rendered and used for a variety of purposes such as lard and tallow

Rare Unseen Father Ted Footage From Season 3

Alas, we never got  a third season of Father Ted due to the untimely demise of Dermot Morgan. Nevertheless, here is a taste of what they may have had in store for us. 

Leonardo DiCaprio Racist?

Ever Sleep In A Wine Cask?

The airplane was musty, and everyone around me was either senile or butt ugly. There was a women of middle age, opposite me who gave me eyes, and I gave her eyes back, I was too bored to refuse her flirtations. And besides she wasn't too bad looking for someone as old as oak. I would be so lucky to look like anything resembling her human face by the time my drug use catches up and decides to live in my skin. We got into conversation and she told me that her  boyfriend had ditched her and upgraded to first class, I chuckled and said 'Oh but we are on first class, so looks like he lost out' she patted by knee with a beaming smile, that made lots of wrinkles crawl out from under her nose and above her mouth. Which kind of turned me on. 

I arrived at my hotel which was wonderful, like something out of Asterix and Obelix, the rooms were made from four wine casks that had previously held 14, 500 liters of Beaujolais wine. Birthplace of the casks-a French chateau. I got a two-person room as my girlfriend was arriving tomorrow, but I had the room to myself tonight. Oh I forgot to mention where am I? I am in Stavoren, a quaint port town painted by the stories of the the mystical Lady of Syavoren .

That is the Lady of Stavoren from behind. I do not know anything about her because I am not a travel book kind of guy, but I wanted to take her back to the hotel room and get stoned with her, but I knew the authorities here were not to be messed with. So I was a good boy and went to a strip club instead where I met Mindy, an American who somehow ended up her in the land of clogs and windmills. She looked like Julia Roberts but not as ugly and without the onionskin.  She told me some story about owing someone money and hiding out for a bit. I just kept nodding, and then signaled to her that we should leave. So we left and went back to the Wine Cask. How I love saying that. But not before we got a few bottles of wine. Every time I was in the Wine Cask room I wanted to fill it with wine; imagine floating in wine, the sensations, the inebriation, the beautiful mermaids. My girlfriend arrived a little early and caught me with the Mindy, but we have an open relationship, so she joined in the morning sessions of casual sex and drugs. It got a bit boring after a while so I popped out for a milkshake in MacDonalds, tasted lovely, strawberry flavour I think. Overall it was a very nice trip.

Boy Pulled From Flaming Car

The SUV had collided with a tree and burst into flames trapping both a mother and her son, two off-duty firemen and one off-duty police officer managed to free the mother but the child remained trapped, with the flames getting closer the child was saved and is expected to make a full recovering. 

New Footage of China Train Crash

Danny MacAskill: Bicycle Rad!

Why Sitting IS Killing You

Amy Winehouse - Didn't She Die Years Ago?

Well you may or may not know by now that Amy Winehouse died today of what is most likely an overdose. After a brief discussion with Lala Blowe we found ourselves both asking the following question: Didn't Amy Winehouse die years ago?

I am not gonna lie I was never a fan of her music and she was really a one album wonder at best, who quickly disappeared into a Babyshambles junk den. Now the information emerges of her death and people are like 'Oh my GOD Amy Winehouse is dead'. From everyone here at MRHP we can categorically say that we wrote that woman off years ago and it is good to see another junk stain off of the streets and finally that hair can be put to rest.

Breaking News: Bomb blast in Oslo and shooting in a children's summer camp

There has been a bomb blast in the Norwegian capital of Oslo. At the moment there are a number of deaths and injuries. It is not clear how many explosions have hit the city and whether the event unfolding in a children's summer camp where a gunman dressed as a policeman open fired on the people on an Island. The bomb blast appears to be linked with some sort of terrorist organisation but the situation is not clear. Below are the pictures of the bomb blast in the city center. At this time (17:45) the shooter on the island of Utoya is still believed to be at large, anti-terrorist police are believed to be responding to the situation. 

David Attenborough Duet With Bjork!

Okay so I lied a little, its not a duet, David Attenborough, the voice of all things nature, narrates Bjork's innovative new app, which is a part of her new record, Biophilia. Each song on the record will have an app which features “an interactive game based on the song’s scientific and musical subject matter”.

Blink 182: First Song In 7 Years!

This sounds more like Tom DeLonge's side project, Angel and Airwaves (which sounds like Blink 182 trying to do U2 covers) than the Blink 182 sound we are accustomed to. Which will probable piss off a lot of fans. For anyone who hasn't heard Angel and Airwaves here they are below:

Rib Injuries: Don't go there

I appear to have injured my rib in some way, so I began a careful examination of human physiology. Th injury seems to be a muscular injury between the abdominal head of the Pectoralis major muscle and Serratus anterior muscle, however if it is not a lingering muscle wrapped up in there, then I have cracked a rib. Here are a few diagrams of rib injuries and other rib associated images for your education

.

Cheeky Back-Heel Penalty kick

Breaking News: Rupert Murdoch Attacked With Pie

"The Luiz Boat" - Prepare to Lul Hard!!!

Some serious lulz being had here ;-)

A Cardan Grille

The Exile Nation Project

Definitely worth a watch:

Simpsons Map For Quake III Arena

Came across this slice of awesomeness when I was doing some .wad exploration for ZDoom. Actually looks like an amazing map. Already have it downloaded so will let you know soon how it runs. Until then, enjoy this video that gives a nice idea of what the map looks like.

China's Bee-man Contest

Below are some truly incredible photos of China's newest bee-man champion. Wang Dalin managed to attract over 26 kilograms of bees to his body in 60 minutes, wearing only a pair of shorts and goggles. This tradition is known as bee-bearding. Pretty crazy!!

Danish Football Fight Celebration

This video speaks for itself but what most people don't know is that shortly after the match tragedy really did strike!!

Interpol/David Lynch Video

Noize Complex - A Boy Band Making Porno Music

Noize Complex is a dirty lovechild of an insomniac producer and a deranged poet, a veritable industrial groove machine. 

Their vocalist, Andre K'por, originally from Sarajevo, has performed at festivals across Europe, and it certainly doesn't look like he's about to slow his game.

Acclaimed producer Patrick Lees, aka. Phorcys / Mr Plees, recently got signed to a record label in the USA, 

and has released a track with them, as well as an EP of his own.

Michael Monaghan of Mickmon Productions provides a boost to the live sound by using a complex (ha, get 

it?) interface on which he also does recording and mastering.

Their songs have been described as "a mesh of paranoid soundscapes and sardonic tones - one to watch!" 

It has also been said that they sound something like a boy band making porno music. Go figure.

Their demo release, titled "Industrial Pop Groove" is available for free download via the band's soundcloud account @ http://www.soundcloud.com/noize-complex

Further info on the band can be found @

http://www.facebook.com/noizecomplex

&

http://www.myspace.com/noizecomplex

Jetpack Fail: Our 600th Post!

Who Is The Youngest Mother Ever?

Lina Medina, who gave birth at the tender age of 5 years, 7 months, 21 days holds the claim for the youngest mother. It all happened in Peru, Lima. Originally her parents took her to hospital believing she had a tumor, instead she was found 7 months pregnant. Her son after 40 years on this green earth, bite the bullet and got bone marrow disease. How could someone so young get the douse of babies squirts, well apparently her body was precocious and she had a premature menstrual cycle.

If you look at the doctor's eyes, it is ostentatious that he is hiding his lizard traits, may be working for the lizard of oz, postcards to David Icke.

Dave Eggers Trying To Change The World

Dave Eggers is the author of the brilliant and best selling part novel, part memoir, A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius as well as You Shall Know Our Velocity, What Is the What and most recently Zeitoun which is in the process of been turned into an animated film by Jonathan Demme. He is also an editor of McSweeney's publishing house. He is involved and the founder of numerous charitable non-profit projects, and not bullshit sending aid to countries who you screwed over in the first place kinda charity but such projects like co-foundeding 826 Valencia, a nonprofit writing and tutoring center for kids ages 6–18 in San Francisco.

And to lighten the mood here is a short film starring Paul Rudd from the Wolphin a quarterly visual magazine which Eggers created.

Dude Gets Caught Masturbating

Some epic lawlz to finish of our masturbation triptych. Enjoy :-)

Motivate Me: Masturbation

Catholic Myths About Masturbation

The catholic church, nay religion in general has a few queer things to say about a great many things. Some things to say about things that are almost irrefutable for example, Darwinian evolution and some other odd ideas about virgin births and transubstantiation. But the catholic church and Christianity in general have always had some very strange ideas about masturbation. For example, as a child many people were told that if they masturbated they would go blind, that they would get hairy palms and ultimately they would go to hell. These are all very scary things for innocent children easily manipulated by fear and threats which have constantly been enlisted throughout the history of religious dogma. St. Thomas Aquinas for example described masturbation as an 'unnatural vice' and placed it in the same category as bestiality. In fact he suggested that men who carried out this practice were in fact less manly than other men. On one catholic site a search for religion and masturbation they claimed that masturbation was essentially 'self-abuse' on par with child-abuse, this complete and utter tripe should never meet the ears of a child guilting them into sexually repressive behaviour. The site goes on to say that 'It [masturbation] lowers self-esteem and self-confidence from a lack of self-control'. There is so much nonsense about masturbation, scientific and psychological studies show that masturbation is a normal part of sexual development and no adolescent should be chastised or made to feel guilty for such behaviour. 

[REUTERS] IRISH MINISTER UNVEILS AMBITIOUS NEW PROPOSALS TO BOOST AILING ECONOMY

Due to our recent surge in pageviews the folks at Reuters News Agency have decided to give us a news scoop before it hits all major Irish news outlets. This is a first for MRHP and we would like to thank Reuters for choosing our blog as the primary site for their article. Enjoy.

[REUTERS] IRISH MINISTER UNVEILS AMBITIOUS NEW PROPOSALS TO BOOST AILING ECONOMY

By Patrick O'Ryan 

DUBLIN | Wed Jul 13, 2011 7:19pm GMT

Jimmy Deenihan, Ireland's Minister for Tourism, Culture and Sport, has unveiled major new plans that could see visitors to the emerald isle triple in number over the next four years. The daring proposals include an innovative tourist-attraction trading scheme, enabling EU member states to lend iconic landmarks to the stricken Irish state. The news comes as Ireland's credit rating has been slashed to "junk status" by ratings agency Moody's.

Deenihan unveiled the "European Cultural-Trade Agreement" at a summit in Brussels late this afternoon, stating that "no europe-wide agreement has ever been made on a scale such as this, and never has such an agreement been as important to the Irish tourist industry as this." The deal, said to be worth billions of euro to the Irish economy, could be fast-tracked, with the first attractions arriving as soon as next summer. 

Pressed on what landmarks could be expected, Deenihan said that "substantial agreements" with the French government has led to the strong possibility that the Eiffel Tower will be brought to Ireland, and constructed in the heart of celtic tiger Dublin: the ill-fated Docklands area. Deenihan declined to comment on any other deals as negotiations "are still in the process of resolution", but backroom insiders suggest that part of the Berlin Wall will be brought to Tipperary in 2013, and that Trafalgar Square could be released on loan for potential display in 2014 in either Waterford or Cavan. 

The planned site for the Eiffel Tower's visit to Ireland in Dublin's Docklands.

There are also unconfirmed reports that the Irish government will have to agree to concessions from the lender countries. France and Germany's demands for a review of Ireland's attractive corporation tax rate is said to be heavily linked with the European Cultural-Trade Agreement, although Deenihan remains tight-lipped about the possibility of expected renumeration to lender states, stating "we are all friends in Europe, we all have common interests in seeing Ireland succeed as a nation." Quizzed about the cost of such an operation to the taxpayer, the Minister stated that the transport costs are "surprisingly affordable."

Enda Kenny, in an appearance this evening at the Irish house of government in Dublin, welcomed the agreement, announcing that "Ireland's economic famine will soon be over."

Edited by Henry Jackson

Reporting by Patrick O'Ryan

Chainsaw versus Cake

To open the celebrations for Project Rebirth we decided to cut a birthday cake using a chainsaw. Worked surprisingly well :-)

Electronically Recovered Spam #4

DEAR FRIEND,

HOPEFULLY YOU'RE IN GOOD HEALTH,

I PRESUMED THAT ALL IS WELL WITH YOU AND YOUR FAMILY.PLEASE LET THIS
NOT BE A SURPRISED MESSAGE TO YOU BECAUSE I GOT YOUR CONTACT
INFORMATION FROM THE INTERNATIONAL DIRECTORY FEW WEEKS AGO BEFORE I
DECIDED TO CONTACT YOU ON THIS MAGNITUDE AND LUCRATIVE TRANSACTION FOR
OUR PRESENT AND FUTURE SURVIVAL IN LIFE. MOREOVER,I HAVE LAID ALL THE
SOLEMN TRUST IN YOU BEFORE I DECIDED TO DISCLOSE THIS SUCCSSFUL AND
CONFIDENTIAL TRANSACTION TO YOU.

I AM THE SENIOR AUDITOR INCHARGE OF FORIEGN REMITTANCE UNIT OF OUR
BANK AND I DECIDED TO CONTACT YOU FOR THIS FINANCIAL TRANSACTION WORTH
TWENTY-TWO MILLION SEVEN HUNDRED THOUSAND US DOLLARS (22.7M) FOR OUR
PRESENT AND FUTURE SUCCESS. THIS IS AN ABANDONED FUND THAT BELONGS TO
ONE OF OUR BANK FORIEGN CUSTOMERS WHO DIED ALONG WITH HIS ENTIRE
FAMILY THROUGH PLANE CRASH FEW YEARS AGO.

MEANWHILE,I WAS VERY FORTUNATE TO COME ACCROSS THE DECEASED FILE WHEN
I WAS ARRANGING THE OLD AND ABANDONED CUSTOMERS FILE IN OTHER TO SIGN
AND SUBMIT TO THE ENTIRE BANK MANAGEMENT FOR AN OFFICIAL RE
DOCUMENTATION AND AUDIT OF THE YEAR AGAINST 2009.

INFORMED CLEARLY THAT IT WAS STATED IN OUR FORIEGN BANKING RULES AND
REGULATIONS WHICH WAS SIGNED LAWFULLY THAT IF SUCH FUND REMAINS
UNCLAIMED TILL THE PERIOD OF TEN YEARS STARTED FROM THE DATE THE
BENEFICIARY DIED, THE MONEY WILL BE TRANSFERRED INTO THE TREASURY AS
UNCLAIMED FUND HOWEVER, IT IS NOT AUTHORIZES BY THE RULES GUIDING OUR
BANK FOR A CITIZEN OF BURKINA FASO TO MAKE THE CLAIM OF THE FUND
UNLESS YOU ARE A FORIEGNER NO MATTER THE COUNTRY.

SO THE REQUEST OF YOU AS A FORIEGNER IS NECESSARY TO APPLY FOR THE
CLAIM AND TRANSFER OF THE FUND SMOOTHLY INTO YOUR RELIABLE BANK
ACCOUNT AS THE NEXT OF KIN TO THE DECEASED.WHEN THE FUND IS
TRANSFERRED INTO YOUR ACCOUNT 35% WILL BE FOR YOU IN RESPECT OF ALL
YOUR ASSISTANCE FOR THE TRANSFER OF THE FUND INTO YOUR ACCOUNT AND
PROVISION OF THE BANK ACCOUNT WHERE THE BANK WILL REMIT THE FUND, 60%
WILL BE FOR ME BEING THE PIONEER OF THE BUSINESS WHILE THE REST 5%
WILL BE SHARED TO RESPECTABLE ORGANISATIONS SUCH AS CHARITY AND THE
DESTITUDES HOMES ARROUND US IN THE WORLD.

IF YOU ARE REALLY SURE OF YOUR TRUSTWORTHINESS,ACCOUNTABILITY AND
CONFIDENTIALITY ON THIS TRANSACTION, CONTACT ME AND ACCEPT NOT TO
CHANGE YOUR MIND TO CHEAT OR DISAPPOINT ME WHEN THE FUND IS
TRANSFERRED INTO YOUR ACCOUNT.SO REPLY FOR THE ASSURANCE WITH YOUR
TELEPHONE AND FAX NUMBERS TO FACILITATE EASY COMMUNICATION. AS SOON AS
YOU REPLY, YOU NOTIFY ME SO THAT I WILL LET YOU KNOW THE NEXT STEP AND
PROCEDURE TO FOLLOW IN ORDER TO FINALIZE THIS TRANSACTION
SUCCESSFULLY.

I EXPECT YOUR URGENT COMMUNICATION.

YOURS SINCERELY,
MR.ISIAKA NANA

Unicorn Kid - 8 Bytes

Posting this simply because it makes me eargasm every time I listen to it. :)

Irish Woman Dies Having Sex With A Dog

A 43 year old woman died after having sex with a German Sheppard. The woman a mother of four from Limerick was willingly taking part in a sex act with the dog when the dogs semen caused her to have an extreme allergic reaction and she died. The incident occurred in 2008 over three years ago, but  a recent medical report finally revealed how she died.  Garda also found that the dog itself appeared to be trained to do this with women. Grim!!!

Join the discussion regarding this strange sexual act @ our NEWS OF THE WEIRD thread.

Strangest Most Awesome Cover Of Common People By William Shatner

The original is below:

Funniest Doctor Ever: Knocked Up

New Study: Magic Mushroom Healthy?

Psilocybin also known as magic mushrooms, boomers, shrooms, Magic Tony's toes and mushies. Johns Hopkins School of Medicine have released a research paper with the rationale of extending research on 'previous observations showing that psilocybin can occasion mystical-type experiences having persisting positive effects on attitudes, mood, and behavior'.

One of the human guinea pigs said "I feel that I relate better in my marriage. There is more empathy — a greater understanding of people and understanding their difficulties and less judgment...Less judging of myself, too." Another test dude pig said : "I have better interaction with close friends and family and with acquaintances and strangers. ... My alcohol use has diminished dramatically."

They may or may not have gone on a hunch from the popular 8-bit hero Mario whose dose effects were major healing. The Grateful Dead were fans of magic mushrooms, so before the conclusion lets have a drum roll of some Grateful Dead jamming!

So lets cut to the chase the conclusions in the research paper were ' Conclusions Under supportive conditions, 20 and 30 mg/ 70 kg psilocybin occasioned mystical-type experiences having persisting positive effects on attitudes, mood, and behavior [...]the present study shows that psilocybin can dose-dependently occasion mystical-type experiences having persisting positive effects on attitudes, mood, and behavior. The observations that episodes of extreme fear, feeling trapped, or delusions occur at the highest dose in almost 40% of volunteers, that anxiety and fear have an unpredictable time course across the session, and that an ascending sequence of dose exposure may be associated with long-lasting positive changes have implications for the design of therapeutic trials with psilocybin. Considering the rarity of spontaneous mystical experiences in the general population, the finding that more than 70% of volunteers in the current study had “complete” mystical experiences suggests that most people have the capacity for such experiences under appropriate conditions and, therefore, such experiences are biologically normal." 

Mario is happy :)

Finally let us hear what one Dr. Jerome Jaffe involved with the research, has to say:

The Hopkins psilocybin studies clearly demonstrate that this route to the mystical is not to be walked alone. But they have also demonstrated significant and lasting benefits. That raises two questions: could psilocybin-occasioned experiences prove therapeutically useful, for example in dealing with the psychological distress experienced by some terminal patients? And should properly-informed citizens, not in distress, be allowed to receive psilocybin for its possible spiritual benefits, as we now allow them to pursue other possibly risky activities such as cosmetic surgery and mountain-climbing?

 “The Smurfs are little blue people who live in magic mushrooms. Think about it.” (quote by unknown source)

Electronically Recovered Spam #3

HOW ARE YOU AND YOUR FAMILY?. HOPE ALL IS WELL.

MY NAME IS ( SGT 1ST CLASS ) CHRISTOPHER LEWIS, I AM AN AMERICAN SOLDIER, SERVING IN THE MILITARY WITH THE ARMY’S 3RD INFANTRY DIVISION. WITH A VERY DESPERATE NEED FOR ASSISTANCE, I HAVE SUMMED UP COURAGE TO CONTACT YOU. I FOUND YOUR CONTACT PARTICULARS IN AN ADDRESS JOURNAL. I AM SEEKING YOUR KIND ASSISTANCE TO MOVE THE SUM OF ( $8 MILLION U.S. DOLLARS ) EIGHT MILLION UNITED STATES DOLLARS TO YOU, AS FAR AS I CAN BE ASSURED THAT MY SHARE WILL BE SAFE IN YOUR CARE UNTIL I COMPLETE MY SERVICE HERE.

SOURCE OF MONEY:
SOME MONEY IN VARIOUS CURRENCIES WAS DISCOVERED IN BARRELS AT A FARM HOUSE NEAR ONE OF SADDAM’S OLD PALACES IN TIKRIT-IRAQ DURING A RESCUE OPERATION, AND IT WAS AGREED BY STAFF SGT KENNETH BUFF AND I THAT SOME PART OF THIS MONEY BE SHARED AMONG BOTH OF US BEFORE INFORMING ANYBODY ABOUT IT SINCE BOTH OF US SAW THE MONEY FIRST. THIS WAS QUITE AN ILLEGAL THING TO DO, BUT I TELL YOU WHAT? NO COMPENSATION CAN MAKE UP FOR THE RISK WE HAVE TAKEN WITH OUR LIVES IN THIS HELL HOLE. OF WHICH MY BROTHER IN-LAW WAS KILLED BY A ROAD SIDE BOMB LAST TIME.

THE ABOVE FIGURE WAS GIVEN TO ME AS MY SHARE, AND TO CONCEAL THIS KIND OF MONEY BECAME A PROBLEM FOR ME, SO WITH THE HELP OF A BRITISH CONTACT WORKING HERE AND HIS OFFICE ENJOY SOME IMMUNITY, I WAS ABLE TO GET THE PACKAGE OUT TO A SAFE LOCATION ENTIRELY OUT OF TROUBLE SPOT. HE DOES NOT KNOW THE REAL CONTENTS OF THE PACKAGE, AND BELIEVES THAT IT BELONGS TO A BRITISH/AMERICAN MEDICAL DOCTOR WHO DIED IN AN RAID HERE IN IRAQ, AND BEFORE GIVING UP, TRUSTED ME TO HAND OVER THE PACKAGE TO HIS FAMILY IN UNITED STATES. I HAVE NOW FOUND A VERY SECURED WAY OF GETTING THE PACKAGE OUT OF IRAQ TO YOUR COUNTRY FOR YOU TO PICK UP, AND I WILL DISCUSS THIS WITH YOU WHEN I AM SURE THAT YOU ARE WILLING TO ASSIST ME, AND I BELIEVE THAT MY MONEY WILL BE WELL SECURED IN YOUR HAND BECAUSE YOU HAVE FEAR OF GOD.

I WANT YOU TO TELL ME HOW MUCH YOU WILL TAKE FROM THIS MONEY FOR THE ASSISTANCE YOU WILL GIVE TO ME. ONE PASSIONATE APPEAL I WILL MAKE TO YOU IS NOT TO DISCUSS THIS MATTER WITH ANYBODY, SHOULD YOU HAVE REASONS TO REJECT THIS OFFER, PLEASE PLEASE AND PLEASE DESTROY THIS MESSAGE AS ANY LEAKAGE OF THIS INFORMATION WILL BE TOO BAD FOR US SOLDIER’S HERE IN IRAQ. I DO NOT KNOW HOW LONG WE WILL REMAIN HERE, AND I HAVE BEEN SHOT, WOUNDED AND SURVIVED TWO SUICIDE BOMB ATTACKS BY THE SPECIAL GRACE OF GOD, THIS AND OTHER REASONS I WILL MENTION LATER HAS PROMPTED ME TO REACH OUT FOR HELP, I HONESTLY WANT THIS MATTER TO BE RESOLVED IMMEDIATELY, PLEASE CONTACT ME AS SOON AS POSSIBLE WITH MY E-MAIL ADDRESS WHICH IS MY ONLY WAY OF COMMUNICATION.

GOD BLESS YOU AND YOU’RE FAMILY.

SGT. CHRISTOPHER LEWIS.