Ever Sleep In A Wine Cask?

The airplane was musty, and everyone around me was either senile or butt ugly. There was a women of middle age, opposite me who gave me eyes, and I gave her eyes back, I was too bored to refuse her flirtations. And besides she wasn't too bad looking for someone as old as oak. I would be so lucky to look like anything resembling her human face by the time my drug use catches up and decides to live in my skin. We got into conversation and she told me that her  boyfriend had ditched her and upgraded to first class, I chuckled and said 'Oh but we are on first class, so looks like he lost out' she patted by knee with a beaming smile, that made lots of wrinkles crawl out from under her nose and above her mouth. Which kind of turned me on. 

I arrived at my hotel which was wonderful, like something out of Asterix and Obelix, the rooms were made from four wine casks that had previously held 14, 500 liters of Beaujolais wine. Birthplace of the casks-a French chateau. I got a two-person room as my girlfriend was arriving tomorrow, but I had the room to myself tonight. Oh I forgot to mention where am I? I am in Stavoren, a quaint port town painted by the stories of the the mystical Lady of Syavoren .

That is the Lady of Stavoren from behind. I do not know anything about her because I am not a travel book kind of guy, but I wanted to take her back to the hotel room and get stoned with her, but I knew the authorities here were not to be messed with. So I was a good boy and went to a strip club instead where I met Mindy, an American who somehow ended up her in the land of clogs and windmills. She looked like Julia Roberts but not as ugly and without the onionskin.  She told me some story about owing someone money and hiding out for a bit. I just kept nodding, and then signaled to her that we should leave. So we left and went back to the Wine Cask. How I love saying that. But not before we got a few bottles of wine. Every time I was in the Wine Cask room I wanted to fill it with wine; imagine floating in wine, the sensations, the inebriation, the beautiful mermaids. My girlfriend arrived a little early and caught me with the Mindy, but we have an open relationship, so she joined in the morning sessions of casual sex and drugs. It got a bit boring after a while so I popped out for a milkshake in MacDonalds, tasted lovely, strawberry flavour I think. Overall it was a very nice trip.

Sex and The Suburbs 8: Mermaid Fantasy

"You look sexy when your not wearing anything" she said under her fish sauce breathe. I gobbled up the remaining fish bones before mounting her. A lexicon flapping with  more noises than words made up our next few breathes. She wore her fish stockings like a mermaid whore! She told me to call her 'mermaid whore urogenital tract opening' when we were in the heat of our unnatural passion. Her mermaid impersonation was so damn convincing it was like I was fucking a fish! We had both agreed on a fish themed night of sexy time. I knew exactly how Jemaine felt when it was 'business time' in my case wholesale fish trade of sexy time...aw yeahhhhhhhhhhhhh



If there is one thing you need to know about a women named Ashamed that dressed as a dirty mermaid whore is that she don't do second best. She was human above the waist and fish below where she stuffed her vagina with eels, tuna and hagfish, to give it extra authenticity. She was a real artist! The weight of my cock crushed fish heads and Ashamed licked and kissed many schools of fish so I could taste fish not only when I went down on her but as well when eating the face off her like her face was a fish cake full of sex, fish and flour.

I renamed my bedroom the Coral Reefs,with a sign on my door that said 'Oh yeah Babe you can fertilize your eggs in here anytime'. My girlfriend was a real artist, she got Sex Reassignment Surgery, but with a twist, she wanted the sex organs of a sexy fish. We researched for days what fish had the sexiest sex organs. Our fishsexuality had consumed us so wholly that I gave up my job and we went to the sea. We had not yet the ability to live underwater, so we decided to live on the beach until this technology was invented.

One night when we were asleep under the tiny stars, an angel appeared to me,and spoke the following words:

Love is patient; love is kind
and envies no one.
Love is never boastful, nor conceited, nor rude;
never selfish, not quick to take offense.
There is nothing love cannot face;
there is no limit to its faith,
its hope, and endurance.
In a word, there are three things
that last forever: faith, hope, and love;
but the greatest of them all is love.

I don't know I think it was from an ABBA song or something that the angel was quoting. But I knew what the angel meant, I gave the angel a high-five before it departed. Then I rolled Ashamed still asleep down to the edge of the sea. I looked out at the mighty waves, I saw her loving face, I knew that she would want this. The angel was a miracle enough, so I thought if I let the sea take her, she would turn into a mermaid for reals! What a miracle that would be.

For the next few nights I heard nothing, she had still not returned from the sea, I started to feel slightly dispirited, but I just thought of the miracle of the angel and that gave me the strength to believe and keep waiting. Then a few weeks later, on the shore, I saw her body, it was full of seaweed, bites, and her skin was as grey as an old person's hair. I was in tears 'Oh angel why have you forsaken me!' I wept and wept, and then I saw it at the side of my eye, something buried under the sand, there is often sandstorms here. What I uncovered was the angel I saw, all cardboard and glossy ink....it was a fucking billboard advertisement. I was so furious that I fucked the dead mermaid's carcass until my penis was bleeding, and I kept screaming when the pain got too much to bear 'You deserve it, you deserve, look what you have done, to those you love!' with every thrust into her grey and decayed ass, I knew nothing would ever be the same again.