Confessions of a Fast Food Whore.

Uhg I feel sick, sick as Gary Coleman and Dustin Hoffman fucking each other in a skip full of leather couches, I lol'ed all the way to the basin, he was waiting for me NAKED Oh yeahhhhhhhh. I started singing Break on through to the other side.

I had some chicken nuggets, sucked them like a whore. Then the proposal, the indecent proposal, oh yeahhhhhhhhhhhh. One sex for one burger please. Sometimes I didn't say please I just said One sex.

Mr. Bennet was so odd a mixture of quick parts, sarcastic humour, reserve, and caprice, that the experience of three and twenty years had been insufficient to make his wife understand his character. Her mind was less difficult to develop. She was a woman of mean understanding, little information, and uncertain temper. When she was discontented she fancied herself nervous. The business of her life was to get her daughters married; its solace was visiting and news.

 I had a dream where I got finger fucked by a chips monsters and all the ice-cream in the world stole my boyfriend.

I danced.

Then I let out a scream, caught onto someone's ankle. Ate more burger. Shat. Talked shit.

"My kangaroo can look into your eye. " It is a truth universally acknowledged that a single man in possession of a good fortune and a kangaroo must be in want of a wife.

However little known the feelings or views of such a man or bear may be on his first entering a neighbourhood, this truth is so well fixed in the minds of the surrounding families or balloons that he is considered as the rightful property of some one or other of their daughters.

"Do not you want to know who has taken it?" cried his wife impatiently. "You want to tell me, and I have no objection to hearing it."

This was invitation enough.

He yelled out at me for world peace, trampled on some dirtbags, dreamstuff. All for penance. The liqueur cannot tell me what to do, I confess I confess I am a silly little girl, I eat crap, yes so I am crap cos you are what you eat right? And I eat cock and burgers.

Clint Eastwood goes drag in his latest production.

Here I am on the set of Clint Eastwoods latest flick, directed by the legendary gaytastic John Waters. I am wetting my knickers! John and Clint will be getting plenty of rubbers for their first few drafts. 

The Oscar matador has gone to the wrong bathroom!

‘Oh no he hasn’t girl!’

‘Yes he has girlfriend, now that’s what I’m talking about, a man in drag is a man who knows how to treat a woman right !’

(Cheers from generic, ugly, dumb crowd)

‘he wearrr it like a slut’

‘Don’t you go talking that mouth off girl’

Anyway enough of the new reality TV show 'Black MIlfs' which Clint Eastwood makes a guest cameo on, what about the movie, that’s what we want to know about, right?

As I enter the set our cameras are ironically banned in the big studio where a very big camera is plonked in the middle of the floor for filming. So instead of snap snap we got a street artist with a nifty sketchpad and a killer set of pencils to sketch the man who now looks a million people away from the young man who once wore a poncho and wandered the desert looking for trouble and frazzled haired punks.

We haven't been given a name yet or a definite release date but there were exciting scenes on set today, as Clint wore a bikini with impeccable Hollywood grace, rivalling Scarlet Johansson’s recent bikini shots for phwoar factor! 

 In an interview  he exclaimed, ‘Just because I am old doesn’t mean I cant pull off this kind of role, my good friend Dustin Hoffman, you know he did a similar part in Tootsie, he gave me some pointers’.

The image of Dustin Hoffman and Clint Eastwood discussing whether to go with a Versace or a Valentino is just sooooooooooo  adorableeeeeeeeeeee andddd cuteeeeeeeeeee. I will be at the front of the queue for this when it is out with my dear granny and grandpa!  Let's hope Clint can put a show on in high-heels without tripping up! With 'Gran Torino'  He's proven he still has the voice but has he got the legs!