Flying The Nest For Christmas p.2

As my extended Christmas flight comes to an end, the time to compress my experiences into vague wandering metaphors has finally arrived. New Years came and went with a bang in Leicester Square and the journey to the display thought me many things. I found out that if you need to really urinate that a thorn bush with a junkie staring at your lad is probably the most discreet public urination place you will find. I also discovered that if drunk enough a bottle of Moët will help in masking the reality of a friend bleeding all over the banisters on the tube and in pacifying the danger of falling backward down the exiting escalator.  

After a Kettle crisp soaked hangover I started work on an essay. I took the occasional break that generally resulted in watching a pitbull doing a steaming shit, while its owner scanned the area to see if it was safe to abandon the excrement. My disinterested stares generally resulted in the collection of this waste.

One of the evenings we decided to go see a movie. Little did we know when purchasing the extremely expensive tickets that the screen would only be the size of a very large home cinema. As we drank from our vodka laced drink cup, we soon warmed to this homely environment and eventually our shock dissipated. That was until our neighbours joined us. The first wave found a small child and his mother sitting directly alongside me. They were close enough to smell the vodka fumes wafting from my cup and their reaction made me feel that they were not impressed. I decided to continue drinking, hoping that the secret alcoholic card would maybe lead to their mutual discretion. Then came the predicted only tall man in the cinema, who plonked himself in front of me, unfortunately this was only the beginning of seat-based awkwardness. Finally arrived two extremely obese woman, which resulted in everyone in the aisle not only having to stand up, but also to leave the row completely so the women could just about squeeze their bodies through the rows of empty seats until finally they reached the end corner. From here they proceeded to spend the rest of the movie passing huge sacks of corned goods back and forth. After viewing all of this I decided to act out the following image: