A Journey Through My Recent Ear Blockage

Two days ago I decided to have a bath (apparently a remedy for a dull aching spine) and just like usual after lying in my own waste for what seemed like more than long enough I decided to wash my hair. Now typically I would just wash my hair in the shower, but when I have a bath I generally rub the shampoo/conditioner into my hair and then proceed to fully submerge myself under water. When submerged I begin rubbing my head just like you would if you were standing under the shower. To me this seems like the most convenient way to wash your hair in the bath. However, one recurring issue that I have is that because of my issue with my body generating too much ear wax, when I submerge myself it generally results in one if not both of my ears becoming completely blocked. After being told that I was an idiot for performing this submerging routine in the first place, I then escalated the scenario by listening to an old wives' tale and began pouring a load of olive oil into my right ear canal. I then went to sleep with a piece of tissue gently lying alongside my ear. 

In the morning I awoke to find that the numbed sound intake in my right ear had escalated and now I could not hear anything out of it at all. To add fuel to the fire the dull ache in my lower back had shifted into an aggravated yelp. After splurging the wrong information to a pharmacist I had to go to another pharmacy and make sure not to mention that I was hoping to fly soon and/or that it hurt. The truth is it did hurt, but this was not because it was infected, it was due to the fact that every digit on my hand had been squirming inside my ear canal over the course of the day trying to free the black notch that had formed inside my head. 

After getting my hand on some Earex I thought everything would be ok. After the first dropping session my ear felt like it was swelling from the inside out and the notch could now be felt as it pushed against the walls of my inner ear. Upon realising that my brain was almost about to squeeze out my ear I finally decided to read the instructions for the product. The final sentence informed me that for the first few applications it could cause swelling and give the illusion that the problem was getting worse. 

You will be glad to know that after maintaining a steady application for the last two days, today at 15:12 I managed to dislodge a nugget of black scum the size of a penny and with its freedom the sounds of the world have slowly begun to flood back into my ear.

So what I have I learned throughout this journey over the last three days. Well I have learnt that my method of washing my hair in the bath is apparently somewhat odd, that the ability to hear is a sense that is often disregarded in favour of the other "better" senses and finally if you dislodge a solidified wax ball out of your ear don't let your sense of smell be the first thing to greet it as it enters the world. Save the strange smelling for more interesting scent experiments.

Deodorant vs Sweat - Which One Is Sexier?

So on my Easter Sunday walk morning walk down from the burnt remains of a jovial nights camping there was a particular strand of conversation that led to this blog being written. Amidst the morning tweets and hangover sodden bodies talk about the origins of deodorant wafted through the air. Well all you wing clipped birds out there you will be glad to know that the first under-arm deodorant was invented by a man called Ziryab in AL-Andalus. Stemming from this 9th century invention the first commercial deodorant called Mum was developed and patented by a U.S. inventor in 1888. Below is a 1926 version of the product.

Now, after taking the time to give a very brief insight into the long and complicated development of a product that has existed since the 9th century I would like to get back onto the forest tracks of this morning and the winding banter that accompanied them. As our queries about the origins of deodorant quickly disappeared (due to lack of internet) the conversation began to swing in the direction of performance and deodorant. We discussed how being sweaty has become synonymous with not being sexy. Even though it is a clear demarcation that you are a functioning biological machine. This made me think of the singer Christy Moore and his sweat soaked musical performances. The question is does his perfuse sweating induce a sexy sense of musical passion and desire or is it a off-putting dripfest?

According to a recent Metro UK article there is a new perfume on sale at Harvey Nichols that has been designed from the ground up to smell like a combination of blood, sweat, saliva and a dollop of semen. This strange scent is obviously trying to corner the more subversive side of the market, whilst also being aware that many of such odours are what attracts a mate.

So the next time you consider spraying some deodorant or whacking on a quick bit of roll-on why not keep in mind that sweat can be used to your advantage in the capturing of a mate, but just keep in mind that there is a fine line between having an inviting body odour and having one that smells like your skin is rotting. Over and out for now from the skin sniffing team at MRHP.