Timeline for Muammar Gaddafi: What Really Happened.

Feb. 15/16, 2011 - The arrest of human rights activist Fethi Tarbel starts a riot in Benghazi. Fethi confesses he also like animals as well humans, especially chinchillas, 'there just so cute' he says.

Feb. 24 - Anti-government militias take control of central coastal city of Misrata after evicting forces loyal to Gaddafi. Gaddalfi caught sucking a young boy's cock behind an old barracks.

Feb. 26 - The UN Security Council imposes sanctions on Gaddafi and his family, and refers the crackdown on rebels to the International Criminal Court. Gaddafi responds by imposing sanctions on the UN Security Council, who will not be able to text, facebook or even just chill with him on gmail.

Feb. 28 - EU governments approve sanctions against Gaddafi and his closest advisers. EU governments have a party with a official Batman cake.

March 5 - The rebel National Transitional Council (NTC) in Benghazi declares itself Libya's sole representative.They then go on to declare that there are free copies of CHE part one and two starring Bencio Del Toro for everyone.

March 17 - The UN Security Council votes to authorise a no-fly zone over Libya and military action, to protect civilians against Gaddafi's army. Gaddafi's army devise a plan to manufacture a billion paper airplanes to bypass the UN's rules.

March 19 - The first air strikes halt the advance of Gaddafi's forces on Benghazi and target Libya's air defences. Half a billion of paper airplanes are drenched by water hoses.

April 30 - A NATO missile attack on a house in Tripoli kills Gaddafi's youngest son and three grandchildren, his government says. "Boo Hoo Who cares" said the rest of the world.

June 27 - The ICC issues arrest warrants for Gaddafi, his son Saif al-Islam and intelligence chief Abdullah al-Senussi on charges of crimes against humanity. Gaddafi responds by stating that he has no humanity, therefore how can he be trialed for something he never had in the first place? It all very kafkaesque.

Aug. 21 - Rebels enter Tripoli with little resistance. Gaddafi makes audio addresses over state television calling on Libyans to fight off the rebel "rats". He also shows off his new tattoo, printed on his butt, the tattoo consists of little boys being sucked off.

Aug. 23 - The rebels overrun Gaddafi's fortified Bab al-Aziziya compound in Tripoli, trashing the symbols of his rule. They also confiscate a few copies of Beano and Dennis the Menace for the train ride home.

Aug. 29 - Gaddafi's wife, his daughter Aisha and two of his sons enter Algeria. Aisha Gaddafi gives birth in a clinic in a border town hours after crossing the frontier. They baby has two red horns on its head and a forked tail.

Sept. 1 - Libya's interim rulers meet world leaders at a conference in Paris to discuss reshaping Libya. Gaddafi, on the 42nd anniversary of his coming to power, urges his supporters to fight on. Woody Allen drops in with Owen Wilson to discuss an adaptation for the Libyan film industry for his latest film 'Midnight in Paris'.

Sept. 8 - Interim prime minister Mahmoud Jibril arrives in Tripoli on his first visit since it was taken by his forces. He has angry that someone had stolen his copy of Beano before he could finish it.

Sept. 11 - Libya starts producing oil again. Niger says Gaddafi's son Saadi has arrived there. Saddi drinks oil, mistaking it for Cola. Everyone has a good laugh about it.

Sept. 13 - Interim government chief Mustafa Abdel Jalil makes his first speech in Tripoli to a crowd of about 3 people. One of them was wearing quite a fetching bathroom hat, it has to be seen to be believed so here it is:

Sept. 15 - France's Nicolas Sarkozy and Britain's David Cameron land in Libya to a heroes' welcome by the members of a mental institute and the association of the mentally disabled,

Sept. 20 - US President Barack Obama calls for the last of Gaddafi's loyalist forces to surrender as he announces the return of the US ambassador to Tripoli. Gaddafi taunts NATO in a speech broadcast by Syrian-based Arrai television station. Gaddafi gives a politically strip tease, but this is not shown on television although the radio showed it.

Sept. 25 - The first Libyan crude oil to be shipped in months sails from the eastern port of Marsa el Hariga for Italy.The oils turns out to be Coke Cola, angry Italians throw pizzas at Libyan paper airplanes. one of the final bastions of Gaddafi loyalistsSept. 27 - NATO says Libya's interim rulers have taken full control of the country's stockpile of chemical weapons and nuclear material. They are shocked to find it is just cardboard cut outs of weapons and materials.

Oct. 12 - Government fighters capture Gaddafi's son Mo'tassim after he tried to escape Sirte. Mo'tassim appears on MTV to pimp his collection of chemical weapons.

Oct. 13 - NTC forces say they have control of the whole of Sirte except neighbourhood 'Number Two' where Gaddafi forces are surrounded. Gaddafi now cycles rather than fly in his private jet. 'Bikes are Good' he declares to a boy he is sucking off

Oct. 14 - Gunfights break out in Tripoli between Gaddafi supporters and NTC forces, the first sign of armed resistance to the new government. Then legged and headed resistance is followed by a lock-up of all limbs to prevent further conflict. They place all the limbs into a giant locker, and call it the Limb Locker

Oct. 17 - NTC forces celebrate the capture of Bani Walid by getting Chinese Take Away. A Syrian television station confirms Gaddafi's son Khamis was watching Die Hard when they killed him, the irony is killing me.

Oct. 18 - US Secretary of State Hilary Clinton arrives in Libya on an unannounced sexy visit, urges militias to unite and climb into her vagina. America rejoices.

Top 7 Celebrities That Smoke Marijuana

7- Charlize Theron deserves kudos for innovative methods of smoking the green stuff, as she lights up in an apple, yum yum, and I don't just mean Charlize!

6- Who is the man? Bill Murray is the man! He exudes super cool, he plays several marijuana smokers in his films such as Caddyshack, Where The Buffalo Roam, Rushmore, The Life Aquatic with Steven Zissou and Broken Flowers to name but a few. In Caddyshack Bill Murray says "This is s hybrid. This is a cross between Bluegrass, Kentucky Bluegrass, Featherbed Bent and Northern California Sinsimilla. The amazing thing about this stuff is you can play holes on it in the afternoon, take it home, and just get stoned to the bejeezus at night on this stuff. I've got pounds of this stuff." Murray was done for "adultery, addiction to marijuana and alcohol, abusive behavior, physical abuse, sexual addictions and frequent abandonment" in a 2008 divorce, rock on Bill Murray rock on!

5- Zach Galifianakis is the stand out funny man of this generation, according to Rolling Stone magazine "he and marijuana go way back. When he lived in Vancouver a decade ago, he had a girlfriend named Watermelon who sold pot cookies on the beach." In the video above he lights up live in a studio debate on California's Proposition 19 vote on whether to legalize, tax and regulate cannabis. If smoking pot brought us the comedic genius of Zach then God Bless Pot!

4- Macaulay Culkin the star of Home Alone has grown up in um in a less than conventional manner, he was arrested back in 2004 for possession  of 17.3g of marijuana and two controlled substances, 16.5 mg of Alprazolam and 32 mg of Clonazepam. He said "I made sure I tried everything once, except when it comes to needles...I don't fuck around. I did some E, and I'm thinking, 'This is great. I'm always like this, happy and full of joy.' But once it's run its course, you just want more happy pills. So I see why it's illegal. But there's nothing wrong with smoking some dope every once in a while."

3- Johnny Depp has made no secret of his admiration of Rolling Stones guitarist Keith Richards, who indulges in everything except death. And he was also great friends with the great writer and drug mammoth Hunter S Thomas. Johnny Depp also had much wisdom like the white shaman of a Native Indian tribe when it comes to parental advice. He told GQ magazine "Depp said that if they choose to try marijuana when they are older, he'd rather be their supplier, because with street pot you don't know if you're getting buds 'laced with P*P.'"

2-Kristen Stewart is the starlet of In the Land of Women (2007), The Messengers (2007), Adventureland (2009) and The Runaways (2010).She is best known for her role as Bella Swan in the Twilight trilogy,yet when she smokes the funny stuff, she really goes all out, as you can tell from these photographs, she could easily be mistaken for a knacker at the edge of an estate.

1-Whose that, no it cannot be! Yes it is, it is President Barack Obama at number one! Who better to endorse marijuana than the president of the United States! And here is a video of Obama telling it how it is!

News Reporter Slip: Obama Killing Obama

R.I.P Osama Forever - A Loud Graffiti Statement

On Monday morning a memorial piece of graffiti was executed on a wall along a freeway in Orange County. The message included with it an upside down American flag with 'UNAMERICAN' written above it. After looking at Obama's youtube speech on the murdering of Osama it is obvious that there are at least over 6500 people who dislike this video. Here at MRHP we do not condone the actions of murderers and thus it must be stated that at the moment there is only a difference of one letter between Obama and Osama. Moralistically he appears to be as close. To conclude I will end on the following Buddhist quote:

‎"Why do we kill people who kill people to show that killing people is wrong?"

Barack Obama's Favourite Things: A Gay Bandit and A Brass Band

Hypnotic Brass Ensemble, the brass band who have performed with Gorillaz and Mos Def among other luminaries and who killed at Electric Picnic in Ireland two years ago are Obama's favourite band!

His favourite TV show is the HBO produced The Wire. Which possibly no one in the world dislikes and if they do, they properly smell like ass. Obama's words not mine...

While Omar, the gay modern day bandit in The Wire is his favourite character.

While Obama is checking out Omar's pecks he enjoys Marlboro Reds the most, sucking the nictoine high voltage ciggies with the panache of the pope gagging on Omar's silky,sexy anti-heroism.

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Negro Cake: Tackling racism in a dessert

I came in on a second hand jet with a lady friend (my new jet was in for repairs, the onboard Jacuzzi was kaput). I wanted a challenge, some danger with my meal. I wanted people to think of me not only as the greatest food critic since Gilbert Steinbeck but also a man of the people and liberation. I wanted to confront a racist restaurant and tackle their bigoted perceptions as well review their food as I was born to do.

So I arrive in Arizona on the clock of time, chalked three, a State so racist that it banned Martin Luther King Day and more recently created unconstitutional laws against Mexicans, anti-immigration laws of which Obama sued them for creating such a monstrosity on human rights. 

I chose the restaurant at random; little would they know who I am anyway, with their cultural poles stagnating in bile and puss.

Driving down a dirt track, I arrive at a series of buildings that could account for township. I see a faded red sign blinkering that says ‘restaurant’ yes the restaurant is called restaurant.

The waiter, or owner possibly, greets me with a sigh of relief ‘I taugh you were a foreigner or something but you got that undeniable god’s skin on yee...’ when I replied with ‘I am a foreigner’ he let out a guffaw drenched in diarrhoea, I imagined the particles of gooey brown shit coming together to form the noise of his chortle. He patted my arm in as strange way as almost to accoutre my skin with his testimony and then ordered me to a table at the very back of the restaurant under an insufferable lack of light, I felt like a flower wilting, photosynthesis failing, limbs derailed in all directions. 

I rested my arms on the table trying not to keel over. He served me up a steak without even giving me a choice of what to eat, ‘the best in Arizona, you’ll like it, gives a nice glow to god’s skin’.

I am glad I left my lady friend at the hotel, this was no place for her prettiness, only nastiness can lie here, I see some mosquitoes chilling near the kitchen door, which is a blanket hammered in with some nails. I wonder why they don’t have an actual wooden, practical door, maybe a blanket door is more practical in this climate, and anyway my concern is the food and fighting racism not to get distracted by blanket door origins. The steak is mild, not bad, as the steak goes into the dark of my mouth and down without any pretty arbitrary.  For I feel that knowing the man is racist that I cannot enjoy it.

Next comes desert, ‘some negro cake’ he offers smiling, this reminded me of the infamous ‘drunk negro cookies’.

I jump up snap his arm back, I feel like Malcolm X rising up from the ashes of racism, except if Malcolm X was white, and was brought up in aristocratic family rather than a slum in Omaha. 

Nevertheless I was impassioned, ‘Do you hear that?’ I looked into his trembling eyes ‘Wha-what?’ That’s Michael-fucking Jackson playing in your restaurant, a black man’s music is flowing through the air’, his rebuttal was met by my firm arms thrusting him against the wall ‘So you serve this filthy dessert in the name of bigoted racism yet you play the music of a black soul, so you’re a hypocrite.  ‘Now look here mista, I ain’t no hippo-christ, or whatever word you be using, Michael is white, you sir are a mad man...why are you attacking one of your own?’  I knocked him out in a rage. After that vindication of a knockout blow: Food Critic who fights racism ONE racist ZERO.  I went back to my lady friend and we got funky with some Michael Jackson songs. We celebrated with a proper dessert some forest gateau, yummmmmm!

Wikileaks Brian Cowen

It has recently emerged that another article spawning diplomatic consternation has been released. This time however, it turns out that the focal point of the leak was none other than the Irish Taoiseach Brian Cowen. The reports suggest that some time in early 2008 George Bush Jr. sent a group e-mail to many of the world leaders asking them to rate an image of Brian Cowen. The e-mail went a little like this:

Hello my fellow Presidents, Prime ministers, slave drivers, communists and drug lords.

I recently came across this image (no not literally) of one of our fellow leaders. I was taken aback by this mans beauty and aura. I would just like you all to rate him in terms of attractiveness on a scale from 1 to 10. Get back to me with what you think? And remember God bless America.

All my love

George Bush Jr.

And here are some of the scores:

George Bush: 9.5

Gordon Brown: 9

Nickolas Sarkozy: 10

Bertie Ahern: 10

Angela Merkel: 9

Barack Obama: 9.5

So thrilled and excited by the image many of the leaders sought more material from Bush and he duly obliged.

He sent this final image with the simple message:

Enjoy :)

Thank god  for Wikileaks